somemansdream

I got a call from my sister this morning–telling me my daughter had news that she needed to tell me-that she was crying over last night. That they would be coming by this morning. Of course, I sat there worrying every since I got that call.  So, they came by. I understand why my daughter didnt want to tell me. She has seen how hard this has been for me-bless her. The news was that my son got jumped in jail. He’s beat up but ok I guess. I got the news yesteriday that they moved him to another unit. I dont know if its related.

Part of me wants to cry. There’s nothing I can do though. So, I’m hanging in there. The tears would be wasted. There is nothing I can do for him. I cant even see or call him for 30 days. Sighs. Its very hard being a mom sometimes.

I also need to do a budget. I dont want to. Its useless work as something always comes along and changes it.

My sister came by with my daughter. She looks so bad guys. She’s always been heavy like me. I think this is the heaviest I’ve seen her (she’s been up near 300 before). However, looking at her today. She has no neck–its fat from her face down to her chest. She has health problems. Another worry that I cant do nothing about. She’s not interested in losing weight. Unless of course, she is telling me she suddenly dropped 20 lbs by doing nothing. Lies to competite with me. There is no competition though. Whatever.

Ok, gotta get busy. Sorry about the down blogs guys, as the last couple have been. I’m really hanging in there–this is just my way of trying to ease my worries.  I’m tired of worries–I know theres good stuff though.

Good news is that the scale is down again for the second time this week. I”m keeping an eye on it because pms is fixing to start–weigh in is saturday and i’m watching for water weight. Its not much each time, but I’ll darn sure take it. Hoping when weigh in comes Saturday–i’ll still be able to claim it. However, by knowing what i’ve lost–keep me on track mentally instead of giving in to a “dont give a crap” attitude about weight loss.

I’m wondering if maybe I need a happy pill for this time of month, and its not even officially here yet. Yesteriday, I should have known something was up. I was reading a book, and had tears rolling down my face at the story (and it wasnt even that sad). Today, its been up and down. I was happy to see a loss this morning, sad to realize it will probably be gone by weigh in time thanks to pms. Happy with the work I did on my room today. Very upset when hubby called and told me to bring meds, bandages and stuff cause he had a little accident. (see last blog for more information). After that, I came home–I had skipped lunch. Felt that urge to eat and eat. So, I fixed 2 bags of microwave popcorn–sat there shoveling in my mouth, fast and furious. I only had 1/2 of it, which was one bag approximately. Sad that I resorted to that–feeling like i’m gonna be a fat girl forever. Glad it was popcorn though, not my old standbys for binging. It was about 100 calories instead of a lot worse. Then, as I was feeling blue–got a call from my sister. Found out they moved my son to another unit, and though he’s still in the same city–gonna have to wait to hear from him before I can write again. Dont know if he even got my last two letters. All this info came from my sister–shrugs, dont know if its right or not. (my nieces boyfriend was in jail with him, supposedly the day he got out, my son got transferred).

You ever get tired of dealing with all the stuff that comes at you. Thats the way i’m feeling. However, its not like I have much choice in the matter right. Its also irrating to know that if it wasnt close time for pms, I wouldnt be having these ups and downs like this.

I didnt even cook supper tonight. We went out to eat. I didnt even care (in regards to weight). However, I feel I did really good. Small portions much to my surprise. Still a little bit hungry, but not enough to eat something right now.

Anyway, sighs…I’m just trying to unload in here rather then keeping things bottled up inside. Hopefully, tomarrow will come and I’ll be happy again.

Oh, and for those that read my blog about being spoiled rotten. (smiles) I told hubby about it and some of the comments you guys made about how I should tell him that I really appreciate him. That put a smile on his face.

Got a call from  hubby. He couldnt hardly talk. Sounded like he was struggling to either put the words together or thoughts. Sounded like he was gonna pass out. He needed some stuff–bandages, neosporen (however its spelled), pain relief meds, stuff like that. He struggled to tell me where he was at. Longest wait it seemed for him to give me all this information. He was across town. Told me not to speed, he was ok. Yeah, sounded like it. Record time to make it across town I tell ya. Got there and I was helping him….put meds on his finger, and bandaging it. He also broke it and had to splint it. The other finger is swollen double in size too but he doesnt think it was broken. He also got a cut on his stomach, that somehow didnt cut his shirt. He’s ok though. I”m like your gonna call and say your taking the rest of the day off right….he said no. Men. He said he was sorry he scared me–that when he called, felt like he was gonna pass out.

I will admit to wanting to bitch slap the guy he works with. Ugh. He was sitting there just jabbering away while I was helping hubby tend to his fingers…just on and on. Brandy told him, she’s deaf, she cant hear you. I’m thinking—shut the f**k up ok. I was good though. Would have shocked both of them.

Anyway, hubby will be ok. Its just one of my worst fears is that he will try to call me and tell me he needs sugar and goes into diabetic shock before I can get to him and I dont know where he is….or, of course, that he gets hurt. He’s my baby what can I say.

Other news, i’m still working on my room. I decided I need new trim. So, last night, I tore off the old ones. This meant I had to go back and repaint where it torn the paint from removing those boards. So, I finished the last coat on the 4th wall and did touchups this morning. Cant get the trim til this weekend. Hubby will have to cut it, we will paint it and put it up. Hubby is gonna have to make a new door frame too, and fix the door for me. I cant do that. I cant wait til this is all done. It already looks so different in there. I’ll have to hunt down some inexpensive furniture, plants and stuff–but it will be a happy job.

Yep, feeling like i’m being spoiled rotten. Some of you know that i’m painting my daughters old room for me–as a sewing and workout room. Sitting on that floor this afternoon, working on it–I just got this feeling. First, hubby treats me well, and is loving on a daily basis. A few years ago, hubby and his brother built me a computer room from scratch. Now, I have this new room i’m working on. So many times this year, I’ve had felt like this is the year from hell. That I have nothing to be thankful for–that the blows keep coming. Well, today it hit me. I am a very lucky woman. I have always tried to keep in mind, the blessings I do still have–yet, I wasnt really feeling it. So, today it came to me.  How lucky I am to have a hubby like mine–sniff sniff–I write this and can see the rose he brought me yesteriday. So, I want to give thanks for having him beside me all these years and the years to come. Its definitely a “thank you God” time.

Try and make this short. I’m one tired freaking puppy. I just had to have this great idea last night. Lets paint my daughters old room, which is now my exercise and sewing room. Then, it was like 2 hours at walmart picking out the colors. Came home and worked on it for a few hours–getting it ready to paint. Hubby offered to use the paint gun to paint it. Oh no, I figured it would be a fun project for me to do. Its killing me! I’m actually embarrassed to admit this is kicking my ass.

Last night, in a smart move (yes, sarcasm)–I was standing up on a chair, and you guessed it–I just jumped down. The noises I made were not pretty and hubby came running from the other room. Ooooops, I forgot about my knee for a moment–but was quickly reminded, that was a stupid move on my part.

Aching shoulders and back, knee is messing up. I couldnt even get my shoe on by lifting my leg…or actually–I did lift my leg but the coming down wasnt pretty–ouchhh. And tired, whew…I am sooo freaking tired.

Now, for the good news. Its amazing what a bucket of paint can do. We are doing peach with a dark, pretty  green on the trim.  I’ve gotten the ceiling painted (twice), and 3 out of the 4 walls with 1st coat. It looks so much better. Its gonna look pretty and peaceful I think. I have visions of curtains and plants dancing in my head lol.

Thats enough whining guys…tomarrow is another day.  See ya’ll tomarrow.

Hey guys,

Not a whole lot going on right now. However, its been a couple of days since my last blog so I figured it was time for another.

Weigh in was Saturday for us, and I lost 1 lb. Since I didnt really get determined til the middle of the week–i’m happy with that.  However, hubby weigh in on sundays and he’s up 8 lbs -in 1 week. I’m not sure what is going on with that. I measure out his foods as he’s back on his diabetic diet. (normally, he has no money on him so its not that he’s eating out lol)  He’s not a salt user either. He was pretty upset. However, the good news is that his blood sugar is staying stable. Poor baby, I know how frustrating it is to see that scale go up and up. It just worries me its so much weight in one week. I hope nothing else is going on with him.

As for me, i’m still staying determined. I guess that scare I had was for the best. It got me going again. I have had a couple of days off from working out though. Wed I woke up to my neck and shoulder hurting. Took a hot bath and turned the jets on it and felt human again. So, I was surprised that the next night I went to bed, I started hurting pretty bad. I tossed and turned all night–I saw every hour go by. So, last night, I broke down and took 2 muscle relaxers (not at the same time). In the end, I slept about 16 hours straight (why I hate taking them) but I feeling better. Its still there but I can deal with it. I can still tell those muscle relaxers are still affecting me today though. But, its back to working out tomarrow.

Anyway, hanging in there. Nothing really exciting going on. I hope you guys have a great weekend.

That is what I have going for me. I’m not letting anything stand in my way of getting rid of these darn pounds i’ve gained. Say goodbye suckers. I’ve already made up my mind. No sweets. No sodas–I’m drinking lots of water and a little bit of tea, plus some sugar free, 0 calorie fruit punch. My meals will  NOT be take out foods. I will be on guard against eating when i’m not hungry–I”ll be watching that like a hawk! Plus, workouts–your my new friend. I’m spreading my walks out throughout the day. I’m gonna aim for at least 4 miles a day (already got 2.12 miles for today). However, my real goal is 5 miles a day. Weight lifting for my upper body–pilates for the lower body and flexibility. I did the pilates yesteriday. Needless to say, my thighs are sore today. Oh well….its time to suck it up and get through it. Its 18 days til my birthday–just a little past 2 weeks. I want to see 3 lbs gone. I say 3–because i’m not sure any weight will be gone for this saturdays weigh in. It darn sure wont be a lack of trying though. I dont really care what the scale says (unless it is down lol)…i’m intent on getting done the things that have to be done. Good meals, not drinking my calories, and working my butt off!

Last night, I had a dream that I was slim and fit. I didnt even notice it til someone in my dream said–you’ve lost a lot of weight! Since I had my shirt tied up–I could see my abs—I looked down in my dream and thought…holy cow!! lmao. Oh, man, would I be happy to look even close to that! I love that dream!!

The fight in on mr scale–and in the end…I will win!!!

Hey guys,

Yep, my second blog today. I’m wanting to eat & eat, and I dont need to. Not hunger, just the desire. So, i’m in here hiding from the kitchen. The little devil in my head is whispering to me. Telling me that after my week, why not have something. Not like the work i’m doing is gonna show up on the scale this week. On and on, whispering those evil things to me. The sensible part of me, says-how dare you! That i’ve worked hard today. Regardless of how much I worked out today, the point is, we have to start some where. It doesnt matter what that scale says–with enough time, it will show off the work i’m putting in. So, battle of good vs bad right now. However, I will let the good win. I’m tired of giving in to the devil–after all, there’s usually hell to pay on weigh in days. Its just not worth it. Especially, in the light of the events that took place last time hubby and I had sex. Oh no…eating that food i’m craving–but not actually hungry for–after that reminder…sure makes it easier to walk away. Its so not worth it. See, blogging made me feel better. I’m gonna go crank up the music and play some games–have a good evening. Remember guys–dont let the evening munchies get you!!!

So, I decided since I cant lift weights with my knee being the way it is, I’ll just pop in my pilates dvd. I forgot how hard this is for me. I am serious. I have heard people say, oh its easy. Easy my ass. This works me harder then just about anything else I do for some reason. I am sitting here after doing 2 sections…10 minute lower body and then a 10 minute flexiblity workout. My muscles were just shaking. Of course, there is some of it I cant do…I either skip it or modify it for me. One of these days, maybe i’ll have the muscles I’ll need to do this without feeling like she’s killing me lol. I would like to get where I can do all 50 minutes in one monster workout.

Ohh, no, I am NOT having this. I got new motivation to get off my butt and work out even more now. See, last night, hubby and I had sex. I noticed something right before we were finished and thought…oh no! Yep, we finished and then it hit me. That tightness and the pain in my chest–I used to say it was like an elephant on my chest. Just so much pressure. Well, last night, it wasnt as bad-I just had to wait til it passed for the pain to ease and to be able to talk again. However, it was bad enough to get my attention and Piss me off! What the hell is that doing showing up?? I’ve lost weight–I’m not back in the 290s or the 300s.

History: back when I was heavier (and a few years ago), that is what started me on my last journey to lose weight. I weighed anywhere from 306 lbs to 290 lbs. When I would have sex–it was some serious pain in my chest. I would have tears rolling down my face and I couldnt talk. It would take about 30 minutes to ease off. So, after 3 times, this girl got the message. Lose weight and quit ignoring it or else. That started the journey. 3 months…solid hard workouts and no sweets, no sodas…good portion control. I lost 45 lbs that way. I got my heart broken–and I stopped caring and of course, gained the weight back. (it wasnt hubby that did it). I will say that back then–I was in better shape though I probably weigh about the same now. It was because of the workouts.

So, to have that show up after all this time–like what the hell? But, if I need motivation–there it is in spades. I refuse to keep going through that when I can do something about it. Looks like the fight is on!

Note: no worries that its my heart guys. I’ve been checked out at different times–its a strong sucker–no problems lol.