somemansdream

Do you guys remember that blog I wrote warning of emotional roller coast ride ahead??  Well, that pretty much sums up today.

Last night, hubbys truck broke down. I had to drive 2 hours one way to pick him up. Thankfully, we were able to use a friends motel room last night, free of charge since our friend was headed home. So, today we go to the dealership to get the part.  This guy came up and asked what we needed and we told him we were there to get a part.  He started in on the pitch for a new truck. This is the second time we had been there for the same reason…parts.

To make a long story short. I made hubby a very happy man and I was pretty upset and depressed all day.  Hubby has been talking about getting a new truck so this started the whole thing up again.  I finally told him, after talking and talking…to go get some info from this guy. I was praying he would turn us down, make the payments too high or something. Nope, hubby drove his new truck home today.  Its just so frustrating and upsetting….starting all freaking over again on payments.

Its kind of damn if you do and damn if you dont.  See hubbys transmission is going out on his old truck -that wasnt that freaking old!!!  Looking at $6-8 thousand dollars plus labor to fix it. Plus, it was showing some other codes that it needed to have fixed. We have $10,000 like we have a million….NOT.  But, now….hubby has a new truck.  But, we start over with some major debt to the budget.  Just in time we are downsizing everything to make ends meet!!!!

Every time I look at that truck I just wanna cry. Hubby is happy though.

Half of me is so tempted to say you know what….buy me that convertible since you got that new truck. They had a $30,000. black convertible up there. That’s just the bitch in me saying it.  It would not make me happy at all.  Oh well.

I’m just gonna have to deal with it.

With most things we have the same outlook. Boy, on this we dont though. Round and round we went. That salesman was trying to help hubby. I think that guy knew I didnt like him or his pushy behavior. I know he probably went home and told his wife…had a bitch for a customer today. He got several drop dead looks from me.  A few sarcastic remarks in reply when he was trying to be funny.  Oh well. I dont like pushy people-end of story.

To top it off….I freaking have been Eating and Eating. So stupid. I know its not the answer.  So, lets see…all stressed out and upset about the truck issue and I go do this…well, I got  news for myself….this only added to my feeling like hell and wanting to cry!

Well guys, enough cheerfulness from me. Maybe when I go to bed tonight the bitch thats laying in wait-just ready just jump somones ass…will be replaces with someone happy & cheerful.  What are the odds???

Anyway, love Debbie

First of all, let me say I was supposed to post this blog this morning. Due do circumstances…it didnt happen.

Ok, I earned my first quarter last night. Unfortunately, I didnt today. Way things have gone, I dont really see it happening tonight either.

So, let me hear it…how did you guys do??  Cant wait! Love Debbie

Wow, you guys amaze me. I wrote that blog about the quarter challenge and figured everyone would think i’m crazy lol.  I’m so excited that you guys like this idea.

Ok, the challenge is going to be open for as long as you guys want it. I am going to do this til May.  Its up to you guys to decide how long you want to play. I have a major goal to reach in May and exercise is the way to get there. However, I will probably tally my money once a month and go shopping lol.  You guys can tally it however you want.  This is really something to talor to your needs. Just like picking an area you wanna work with. Someone is even going to do 2 areas!!  If you know how long you wanna play this game..just let me know. 

I am going to write a daily blog and I hope you guys will come in here and tell me how your doing!  I will probably also report in the wildcat serious forum.  I wanna know what your aiming for, and how your doing. When your rich and get to spend the money-I would love to hear how you spent it!! Guilt free money…yay!!  lol.

I went looking for a jar at the dollar store today. Amazing enough, I actually found exactly what I was looking for!!  Its cute, with a lid on it. It reminds me of a church….I guess its the way the glass is cut.  To top it off…ha ha..I only paid 75 cents! It was filled with candy but thankfully not the kind I like…sending it to school with my daughter to give out lol.

Tonight the games begin….and tomarrow I will write my blog giving my results…and asking for ya’lls.  Whooo hooo..let the games begin!!

Love Debbie

I’m sorry, I wasnt talking about the beer drinking game lol.  No, I was wondering if anyone would be up for a quarter challenge.

Ok, here’s the deal. I’ve been slacking in the workout department. So, I was suggesting to someone on a blog they reward themselves for each workout.  After I work out each day…i will be putting my quarter in the jar. At the end of the month or two…I get to spend that money guilt free! Times are hard or I would suggest a dollar lol.  It doesnt have to be a workout though. This challenge is open to anything that you need. Need your water but slacking off-that will work. Need  your daily veggies…reward yourself this way.  You guys get the idea. Just at the end of the day or whenever you finish you goal…put your quarter in your jar.  Just let me know what it is that your working on and if you got your quarter that day. This is just a little bit of fun. I guess I’m easily amused lol. So, anyone want to join me for this quarter challenge???

Love Debbie

Good morning guys!

Well now, I have been feeling moody and down lately. I blamed it on not getting what I was wanting to snack on-I substituted and it didnt work.  It made me down right grouchy.  However, I think the real devil in all this is that pms will be here at the end of this week.  Anyone got any happy pills? lol. It seems like this time of month is always a roller coaster for me emotionally. The thing is, I dont like roller coasters…I want off of this ride!  Nancy knows what I mean, as I am sure a lot of you ladies will, that I can laugh, cry and be totally pissed off all within minutes of each other.  So, be prepared guys for my blogs starting at the end of this week….should be interesting.

Well, hubby called me this morning. He wants to try driving back and forth from home to work rather than staying at a motel-to save money.  Which as some of you guys know…is a real issue right now.  I like having him at home, yet, I am very used to my time off.  He’s gone for a week or whatever and comes home…we are both glad he’s here.  Timing is gonna be fun with pms starting soon.  He tends to get on my nerves-what I normally would find funny just pisses me off during this time.  Things are gonna be rough if I start feeling crowded.  See, if i’m in my computer room–the place I hide when I’m feeling out of sorts…he normally comes in here to see what i’m doing etc etc.  He starts that ..what’s wrong with you or that you have an attitude missy if I’m quiet. Normally, me quiet translates into –I wanna bite your head off. lol. It will be ok though…we will manage to get through this somehow.

On the diet front, I guess i’m doing ok.  I want to get back into my workouts but do you know that i’m still hacking stuff up from that cold I had!!! Ugh…how long is this gonna last??  I have some cough meds that work good…but, darn it makes me sleep for hours and hours. While its a great sleep too…there’s things i’ve gotta do.  I dont know.  I have done some of my weight lifting exercises but I wanna dance…do my workout dvds!  Anyway, sighs. 

As far as the food part….as you read in the beginning of this blog, its been fun.  Hubby was home and eating like theres no tomarrow.  It made me mad cause I wanted to do it too and I couldnt-or I wont rather.  Today, I woke up and thought whats the big deal with all that anyway..lol. Driving myself nuts over nothing.  Sometimes I wonder why my mind cant just get all this settled in there and make things easier for me.  How much nicer it would be if this was a constant frame of mind.  That oh…you want something…go ahead..but just a little bit and go about your business. That I can do this and that food isnt the entire world in which I live…its just food.

I guess its just human nature to be contary.  The ups and downs are to be expected. That if food wasnt tied to me emotionally, I wouldnt be here & in the shape i’m in now.  I just have to keep going and face whatever the day may bring.  Also, when the time pms rolls around…just gotta take it step by step.  Apparently, I am doing something right in all these struggles cause I have lost weight. This means I can continue to do so.  Aww the joys of life….

Love ya guys, Debbie

Well, any of you guys that goes into the wildcat forum know that last night I was pretty frustrated.  My hubby came home yesteriday….and after supper…every time I went into the front room…there he was eating again.  He was just grazing away.  I dont know what it is about others eating that make you wanna do the same darn thing.  I ate 220 calories because of those urges.  Granted thats not bad…the deal was-I was trying to get around the fact I wanted sweets and I was eating popcorn and cracker jacks.  Then, I got to feeling frustrated and bitchy cause I didnt get what I was wanting and I ate stuff that I didnt want at all.  Now, most of the time…I am all for moderation and balance. Yet, I made a goal to stop the sweets except for 2 during pms time.  Just the thought of caving in so soon after I made that goal made me feel like a loser.  So, I ran into forums because I started thinking of the spaghetti I had for supper!!  I was thinking…oh just a little bit more.   I didnt though. I ran and hid.  I went to bed last night in a pissy mood.

Anj suggested I look into why i was craving sweets–what I really wanted was ice cream from dairy queen…loaded with fat and calories.  I did a little search.  Most of the suggestions centered around the usual about fighting cravings.  It was also suggested to take a multi every day with other supplements. I hate pills though!!!  I know with my diet being the way it is…I really should.  Every time I’ve bought some…I never noticed a difference and I have always stopped taking them after a while cause of the difficulty swallowing them. Horse pills anyone! Uh.  It was also suggested increasing my protein intake. Now, that I can do with no problem.  It just so happens I love proteins lol. 

Maybe i’m over reacting to all this. I felt like Debbi did the other day when she was ready to jump out of her skin with the urges to eat and eat.  Ohh, I so can relate!!!  I caught myself thinking…I wanna binge…just eat and eat for one day.  Oh hell no I dont!!  While I may not have all the answers to the problems with craving sweets….I know thats not the answer.  I will be watching for that little thought to be popping up…cause i’m not gonna undo the good i’ve done so far.  Then, I would be full and sick and feeling guilty too!  How is that supposed to make me feel better???

So, last night after I wrote in the forum…I remember my weights were in here…my little 2 lb dumb bells.  So, I thought…I’ll see if I can tire my arms out.  I didnt but boy I sure did a lot of arm curls lol.  I also put my music on and sang my heart out.  It distracted me some. I still went to bed feeling prissy. Yet, I didnt give in. Thats something i’m feeling a lot better about this morning.  Today is another day, and I know this one will be ok.

Dont we just love the twists and turns on this journey. Whew.   Love Debbie

What if there was someone that was with you 24 hours a day, 7 days a week. What if you were mean to that person. Thought nasty thoughts..said mean things. What would your relationship be like?  Think of the conflict you would be creating. A constant-full fledge battle.  Who wins in this situation? What about all the hurt feelings and the bitterness. It builds up and causes so much damage.

Now, stop and think about it. This is true. We do this all the time. You can Never escape yourself….what do you think your doing each time you call yourself names when looking in that mirror or when trying on clothes.  Rude, hateful behaviors that you are laying on yourself. You wouldnt do that to your best friend would you? Or even just a friend…someone you know.  Why are you doing it to yourself?? Do you really think it does any good to be hateful to the one person you have to be with until you die…your very own soul. 

Now stop and think what it would be like to love yourself.  To accept yourself with flaws and all and say…thats ok. We do this for others…so we darn well can do it for ourselves.  What peace you would have in your heart…you could let go of the hate and bitterness in your heart. How free you would be!!! 

If you dont know how to love yourself….well, I didnt either.  When that thought crossed my mind…it made me very sad.  Its ok. I have learned. You start by taking care of yourself. You start by telling yourself something positive and cutting that inner nag off.  Is it easy to do..not really. Its a long process…i’m still learning.

Here is the thing. I have absolute faith in my heart that every woman out there has something beautiful or special about her.  Of this, I have no doubt.  Its one of those things–if you look for it…you will find it. 

So, what do you guys say….if you have any doubts to how special you are…look a little deeper.  There is only one of each of us in this world.  Think about how amazing that is. All your personality and quirks belong just to you!  Work on becoming your own friend.  Build yourself up…grow strong in your belief in yourself.  I believe in me…but, I also believe in you guys….each and every one of you.  Would you knowingly spread anger, bitterness or hatred around….I cant believe that you would.  That includes ourselves you know.

Look and find your beauty. I see in glowing in here every day. I know you can find it too.  Love you guys with all my heart, Debbie

Thanks guys for all the love on my last blog. It means so much to me!!

Well, we have some things kind of up in the air at the moment. I just dont know why i’m not stressing and worried. Normally, I would be driving myself and probably my hubby crazy.

Some of you guys know what hubbys boss did to him. Bumping him so hubby & I will learn to live on less money and trying to manipulate hubby into taking a job that I have fought tooth & nail over.  So, most of you guys know that hubby is looking for work somewhere else. Well, his old boss called and we are hoping that things will work out where he can go back to his old job. They said they would call him back in a few days that they are not able to say anything right now.  We figure we will probably hear from the sometime next week. 

I am also dying of curiousity right now. The guy that got hubby that job with his old company called him and wants him to stop by on his way home. Hubby called and told me it would be a little bit. That guy no longer works for this old company either. Not sure what he’s doing right now. The timing is just so funny. Hubby hasnt heard from this guy in a while now.  I wanna know why he wants hubby to stop by lol.  I am not sure how I would feel if he’s gonna offer hubby a job….who knows…maybe he just wants to visit. lol.  Aww waiting…isnt it grand!

For some reason, this worrier, stresser…not have any problems this time.  Its so strange. I just have an absolute faith that things will work out.  Not saying that we are not heading for hard times because we probably are-yet, I feel this very strongly.  In the end, things will work out for the best for us.  First time I can ever remember feeling like this….from a born worrier lol. 

Other news, my sister is due tomarrow. Bless her…she is so ready to have this baby. Makes baby # 4 for them…all girls.  My angels.

My older sister, who some of you know…left her hubby of 20 years.  Well, just like I said, she came back when her new boyfriend threw her out lol.  So, she’s back with her hubby.  So glad that while I listened and talked to my brother in law-cause he was hurting…so glad I didnt get involved or pick sides or whatever.  It wasnt my problem to fix.

Well, guys…I’ve got work that needs to be done. Stuff that i’ve been meaning to get done. Yet, I started taking cough meds…whew…off to sleep I go!!  Many hours of sleep at that.  Sleep like a baby though lol. 

Take care guys, love Debbie

My hands are shaking. My eyes are filled with tears.  Who am I kidding..I am crying.  However, these are tears of a very proud moment…not sadness.  You see, we weighed in yesteriday and I maintained. I was like ok.  Now, here lately with weigh in days being friday..that when I weigh in.  Yet, that little voice in my head said…step on the scale…I was like…right, its no use.  Guys I went ahead and stepped on that scale. It showed me 245 lbs. ( 3 separate times! )  A 3 lb loss i cant claim for the good of my team til next week but I am sitting here crying. That little 3 lbs puts me over the 50 lb loss mark and hit 52 lbs lost so far.  I am so filled with happiness I’m about to bust.  I have NEVER lost 50 lbs before in my life-EVER!!!

I just had to share this with you guys. You guys are my rock-without you guys…I wouldnt have made it this far.  So, thank you.  Love Debbie

Wow…just sitting here thinking. I have 4 months to lose 48 lbs!  That’s 12 lbs a month. Whew! If I cant reach it then I darn well wanna be as close as possible.  My goal is to be 200 lbs by May 2nd…my 20th wedding anniv. 

So, in taking steps to reach for that goal here’s what i’m gonna do:

no sweets–during pms time I will allow myself 2 sweets. I would really hate to kill someone cause I dont have chocolate. Some of you may   think i’m kidding.  I recognize the fact that pms leaves me very dangerous lol.  Some of you guys that know me, know this is true.

drink my water-no excuses..if I run out..go to tap water instead of doing without like i have done.  I drink it all day when I have it.

Salt..keep working on this. While I have done some major strides in this-long ways to go yet.

Exercise:  I feel I really need a challenge guys. So, since I havent found one…making my own.  One day each week…I will be doing my own personal marathon workout…..pushing it to see much I can really do.  I want that sweat rolling off of me in buckets now!!  I will post the results each week as they come.  Probably have to take the next day off but thats ok too.  This can be my dvds…or the workout I do with my weights, or even a mix-one of those one week…the following week-the other type of exercise.

Anyone out there wants some sort of exercise challenge…I’m up for it. I need something to focus/work on.  While we are having pretty weather right now… I’m mostly depending on indoor exercises-dvds for my workouts.  I’m game for any ideas guys.  Renee and Nancy talked about stepping things up this month…but havent seen anything else about it. This is open to anyone with any ideas though.  I know I cant be the only one wanting some new challenge to fire things up!  It doesnt have to take up much time…just some effort…come on guys..I know you can think of something lol.

 I am going to go to walmart and get a green ribbon and make me a bracelet out of it. I will wear it all the time til May 2nd comes around.  A physical reminder of whats waiting for me.  I made one for the thanksgiving walking challenge and it helped.

Alright guys….I dont have a lot of time.  I have a big goal set in my heart.  Today the countdown begins!!