somemansdream

Just some graphics that amused me…..enjoy!

Look at that sweet face….awwwwww.

lol….I’ve had company thats like that–wears ya out and you just drop when they leave lol.

Anyway, couldnt get to the site I wanted but found these…lol.

Hey guys, just a short little blog to let you know i’ve been here and checking on you guys. Some days I dont have much to say, strange I know. Today is one of those, I dont care about anything modes. All day my muffiin top has been shouting at me…i’m getting bigger and bigger. I’m ignoring it. Some days you cant even force yourself to care. Surprisingly this hasnt led me to binge…instead I dont want food. However, I was good in that I had 3 meals today. So, that in itself is a bit of success for me.

Well, i’m getting a workout tomarrow. I’ve had it with my carpet in my bedroom. I go to vaccumm and that thing sheds dirt and its fibers–it stops up my vac and I have to take it apart and clean it…again and again. Anyway, my task tomarrow is to cut it up and haul it off to the dumpsters! Lord only knows what that floor looks like under it..but really, I dont care. I want that carpet gone. So, at least I know i’m gonna be working up a hard sweat tomarrow!

I’m also gonna go see my son in jail. My goal is to walk out of there without crying. This isnt something that is gonna just go away. So, I figure I better start getting a grip on it. I am sure some days will be better then others.

Good news, is that my daughter Brittney stopped by with the news she is no longer living with her cousin. I dont mind her living with her. Its just that Sam doesnt stay in one place long. Now, she’s gonna marry this guy who she’s only known for a short bit. Which is fine with me, more power to her. So, my daughter stopped by to let us know that she is moving in with her friend.  Justine, her friend, has 1 more year of school left and then they want to get a place together. Amy–justines mom said it was ok with her. I am not surprised–she’s one of the good moms–tries so hard and cares so much about her kids. So, now my daughter is gonna be living here in town–yay!! That makes me happier. Of course, I havent said much about anything she’s been doing….she’s 18 and graduated and wanting to live away from home.

Vehicle update…..some of you guys know that hubby is putting in a transmission for me. Well, after much struggle, he managed to get the old one out.  Now, looking at all these pieces of my car–now its just all gotta go back together lol.

Well, I guess I lied about this being a short note to let you guys know i’m around.  Once I got started, figured I might as well spill things lol.

Have a great day guys…

Hey guys,

I just wanted to tell you something. You know, I am really a lucky woman with the man I have.  Not only he is smart enough to be putting a transmission in my car. He can weld–he had to put some bars together to make a lift for my engine.  He is the one that put a master bathroom in our house where a bedroom used to be. Combine that with a man that stills says “I love you, your so beautiful” and tells me things to make me laugh–all this after 21 years together. I dont have a doubt in my mind that I come first with him and I always will. I’m feeling so blessed to have him.  I write enough about what he doesnt do right as far as diet or pissing me off (lol)…it past time to celebrate what a good man he is.

Looks guys, he he he…a positive and mushy blog lol.

Today was a very hard one. I was looking forward to seeing my son who is sitting in jail. I wanted to know he was ok. He was picked up cause he violated his probation. We (meaning hubby and I) have done everything we could to keep this kid out of trouble. Now, time has come for him to deal with the results. I knew it was gonna be hard. Our son cried during the visit. It took everything I had not to. But boy, I hit that door of that building and I broke down–I cried for about an hour. We dont know when he will face the judge. There is a guy our son was telling us about that has been there 5 months waiting. I dont know if its a good or a bad thing to get a judgement. I would almost bet that he will get the 2 yrs that was put up when all this was written up on his probation. It is gonna hurt so bad to have him sent away. Half of me, prays that after all this is done, he will get his life on the right track and straighten up. Half of me says, look–he was stupid, and now he’s paying for it. He did this. All this stuff is so uncalled for. He could have chosen to do right. All that tough love stuff you know. Yet, my heart cries out from it all. Of course, my mind started thinking of all the days he’s gonna miss–holidays and birthdays and stuff. This will be the first time he’s away from us, other the spending the night or whatever. Anyway, today really tore me up. I’m bracing myself for whats to come. This is something that is gonna hurt all of us. We will just have to take it one day at a time. I wanted to let you guys know how it went as I said I would.

Good news is that hubby is working on my transmission for my car. Poor baby is having a hard time getting things together. We spent all the money today buying tools and whatnot for it. The thing about living in a small town ya know. Time to improvise and get creative. I will very happy to have that car up and running. I was teasing hubby and telling him he can wash it after he’s done fixing it..and he was like…I will. lol

Anyway, hanging in there. I’m think i’m gonna see if I can do my Tae Bo dvd this evening. I’m thinking it might just be the thing I need.

My daughter is leaving tomarrow. Sam (her cousin) and them finally got their own house. Hopefully, they will be able to take some of their stuff that we have in storage for them to make some room. Hubby already said I could have britts room to put my sewing stuff in. He’s a good man ya know. I’m blessed to have him.

Anyway, i’m off for now. See ya guys here in a bit ok. Sending out hugs and love to all my buddies.

Ok I’m done. That’s it. No more trading my dreams for food. That’s what I’m doing. Letting my lazy ass sit there and blowing off my dreams of reaching 200 lbs. No more. I’ve had enough. Tonight, I wrote a venting blog. Came back and deleted it. I decided it was time to shut up and get moving. Talking about it is Nothing. It wont make the pounds go away. So, I came back…deleted it. Grabbed my dog and went went walking. Fast walking at that—pushing myself. Or probably more like punishing myself. Whatever. Come tomarrow, this girl is gonna be out there doing again. Once in the morning and once at night. Then, I’m gonna do weight lifting. No more whining about the scale. No more whining about this same damn pounds I’ve been fighting forever. Guess what, its not much of a fight if you roll over and play dead. No more.

Hey guys,

First let me say thank you for the support you guys gave me yesteriday. It was a pretty low point for me.

However, today is another day. I’m gonna make use of it to make it a better one.

Now, there is nothing I can do about my son being in jail. Hes the one that kept getting into trouble. He ended up with probation and something told me he wasnt reporting and paying his fees or anything. Sure enough, thats why he is sitting in jail. Hubby and I have always told him, you go to jail, you will stay there. However, facing it as reality is another thing for both of us. So, while its hard as a mom, I will get through it. Praying to God that boy will learn something finally. He told me he will probably be there for 2 or 3 months.

Also, before my son did his thing. Hubby told me he is gonna be looking for another job. I wont bore you guys with the details but that is what started my going down hill yesteriday. Instead of being positive that he will find something better–I assumed it would be something just as bad as what he has.

Now, that brings me to another point. Its been brought to my attention that I tend to be negative. That’s true. I’ve never been the happy-go-lucky type. I dont have my husbands idea of “oh it will be alright” attitude. When you combine that with what has turned out to be a bad year, my attitude is not pretty. I do suffer from depression which also affects my attitude. However, I am telling you guys this to let you know that i’m trying hard to turn that negative attitude around. While this doesnt mean I’m not gonna write out my crap in my blogs–it means after I”m done…its time to dust myself off and go forward. I do have faith that God puts us where he wants us to be and that we will make it. I tell myself all kinds of stuff trying to readjust my negativity. Wish me luck on this guys. Its a hard one to change.

Now, today is a nice cloudy day.  A perfect start for a nice long walk after I eat a bite. Chance and I will be getting out and enjoying it as soon as I can get out the door. Have a wonderful day guys. Thanks again guys.

I came in here earlier today and wrote a blog. After venting, and then leaving. I came back and deleted the blog and the comment I left in the forum. I just felt like I was whining and no one needed to hear that. Earlier today, things came crashing down. I got upset. At first, I was sitting in the dark, just thinking about things. So, I decided..no, not doing this. I got up and frantically started cleaning things. I also started cooking. I started cooking a food that leads to a binge every time for me. Later, after it was done…I got one of those bowls that hold like a cup and half at one time….filled it up two times. Even while the shame of what I was doing, even knowing better…I did it anyway. Well, i’m not used to that much food at one time and got sick. I figured that was fair punishment for my actions. So, came out of the bathroom and the phone rang. My son is sitting in jail right now. He was wanting to know if we had $200 or so to help him make bail money. My hubby makes about $3oo or so a week. It doesnt take much math to figure out that we are living broke. I dont know how my son was thinking that we might have that much money. He said he would call later if he could and let me know if he was still in jail or what. My son was on probation and despite our repeated warnings that he better take care of business–guess he thought he didnt have to. So anyway, i’m sitting here wondering if I’m always gonna fail and if i’m always gonna be fat if I cant stop myself from binging. Its a pretty low point for me today. Half laugh–I would have been better off crying earlier instead of stopping the tears and getting up and cleaning. Sorry to dump this all in here. I just dont have anyone I can talk to about this. Like I said, its a very low point i’m at right now–emotionally and physically.

Hello out there to all my beautiful (or goodlooking ) buddies! How are you guys doing today??

Well, I got some rest last night…I can think again so i’m doing ok lol.  Now, I need to chew on my butt about something here.  I’ve been doing really well with the diet part of this journey right now. So, i’m good with that. However, I have a dream for my body that i’m not doing a bit for right now. So, i’m gonna do a bit of ranting and raving at myself lmao. Hard to do when your in a good mood but lets see what I can do.

Ok girl, its time to listen up and listen good. You know that you have dreams for your body. So clear you can see it in your mind. You want a nice body that has great muscle tone. Everything firm and looking good huh. Thats your dream. Not only losing the weight. Has it occurred to you to wonder why you see this picture so clear in your head.  Its because its something you REALLY want. Guess what girl, you are NOT gonna get it by sitting on your butt! Sorry, but its true. I dont know what your problem is. You seem to have a real mental block when it comes to working out and pushing it. I’m not sure what your freaking problem is. You know you can do it, as you’ve done it before! Yeah, you do take some walks now and then. However, that kind of body doesnt come easy or free. Your gonna have to get up and work for that body. Are you afraid your gonna be a bit sore or something?? So what if you are. You can handle it. Listen to me good girl. Your birthday is not that far away. Yes, you want that number…200. But, how good are you gonna feel if it comes with bigger wings, sagging butt and flabby thighs!!! Think girl, you were doing all that workouts, and a bit heavier…you ab section looked better then then it does now and its because of the workouts you were doing.  Looking in the mirror and I can see the possibilities…come on girl…go for it. I dont really care what the mental block is. Its an excuse. When it comes down to it…you have to get out there and DO IT. Stop wasting more time. You have workout plans that are sitting on your dresser–what good goes is that if you dont do it!! Come on, you like a good challenge. I dare you. I dare you to work out the best you can each day. Think of this as your own personal challenge. Hell girl, you dont even fricking know what your body can do! So, today is the day that you get that workout plan and put it use–you hear me. No excuses. Not allowed.

Your not gonna get the body you want by sitting on your ass so get up and get moving…and yes, thats an order! Its about time that you start making your dreams come true…one workout at a time.  Think about it….1 workout a time and you can build your dreams–I say that is worth doing. You wanna feel powerful and strong. You wanna feel sexy again. So, why are you still sitting there…go for it. Do it!

Hey guys,

I’m just stopping in to let you guys know i’m around. I’m having lots of trouble sleeping at night so my energy levels are way down. I’m trying over the counter sleeping pills or just nothing at all. Either way, I’m up til late and waking up all hours of the night. So, while I really need to write a weight loss blog, i’m just too tired to think right now. So, lately I havent had a lot to say…skipping writing blogs that I used to write daily. I just wanted to say thanks for the boosters and comments too. I’ve been really bad about not sending out boosters like I need too. I’m not sure what its gonna take to  get this straightened out. I’m not working out. Things are a mess. Anyway, just wanted to let you guys know i’m thinking about you guys.

Hey guys, you didnt think I ran off did ya? It seems strange to me not to blog every single day. Here lately, I just havent had much to say. Of course, pms is heading straight for me, and you guys know what that means–yep, i’m all emotional during that time–so you may hear more from me then you want lol.

I think I wrote in maybe, about hubby and I starting over, using his diabetic diet. Yep, again. That means eating the snacks it says, regular meals and portion control and certain balance of foods. So, I think we’ve been doing this most of the week. To be honest, not sure what day we started this. Brandy (hubby) and I have a difference of opinion about part of this. See, I dont do veggies and fruits…most of the veggies I like are actually starches. He says to force myself to eat them….he’s had to do that when he was diagnosed as a diabetic….things like diet soda and sweetners instead of sugar..etc etc. He swears after a month or so, it will be like i’ve been doing it all my life. My deal is, I dont want to force myself to have those things. I want to eat what fruits and veggies I do like. I remember being younger and trying to force myself to eat salads, to eat more veggies….different times through my adult life. I got to the point where I would rather just go hungry rather then eat those foods. So, I do have a bit of a mental issue over making myself eat those foods again. I know I will go back to going hungry. I wished I was one of those that love salads. I’m actually jealous of those that think that stuff tastes good. I remember trying just about every salad dressing and then even just plain to try to get myself to love salads. So, Brandy and I are at odds over this part of it–I can be stubborn, I know. I didnt say much when he was telling me—you just gotta force yourself. I was thinking…uh, NO I dont. lol. I know i’m doing the diet as listed, wrong–using my veggies (though they count as starches)…but, you know what, that’s the way it is for me. I’ll willing to eat according to the plan as close as I possibly can–thats it. Smiles, we will probably butt heads again. My main concern right now is to do it to the best of my ability–and to try and encourage hubby to stay on track this time.

I did step on the scale, and it showed a gain. However, I know this is not fat or real weight i’ve gained–there is no way. With pms coming for me, I figure its just water weight. Not much I can do about that. Not worrying about it because i know i’ve been doing good.