somemansdream

Well, you guys already know how I am so I’m just gonna admit it up front, what I did today. See, I was looking at my last blog and reading the comments…and up popped this great idea for a new blog. Came in here, and started typing–then, nothing. Absolute blank. Couldnt even remember what the topic was lmao. Airhead anyone lol.  Still dont remember what it was, but this will have to do lol.

Ok, now I know for a lot of us, man we rock the week. We stick to our diets and we do whatever workouts that we planned. Then bam. The weekend hits. If your like me, that is when the damage gets done-weekends. Then, the cycle to lose the pounds gained over the weekend starts on Monday. Well, personally, I’m rebelling against that whole thing. Guess what, I havent gotten very far doing that. Do good, gain over weekends, do good, gain over weekends. It sucks! So, this is my first weekend that i’ve facing since i’ve gotten determined to do better. I be damn if all my hard work this week is blown—hands on hips –hell NO. I’m taking a stand that my food and workouts are gonna be just like if it was a weekday! So, there scale–take that as a kick in the butt!!

Do I expect to do perfect, heck no. I dont watch every single bite that goes in my mouth. However, there is a difference between doing good and pigging out. Just cause its the weekend–when did that become an excuse to pig out anyway?? So, come Monday (my weigh in day for our team), I will hold my head high cause I am NOT giving in to the myth that the weekend equals pigout time–its Not!

Stay strong with me ladies (and guys). More then half this battle is waged in the mind…so dont let anything stop you from rocking this weekend ok!!

Hey guys,

Mmmm….lots of blogs. Looks like you guys are tired, frustrated and a whole lot more. Well, frankly, I’m not in the best of moods today. PMS may have left the house but some of his friends are still here. However, despite that, I cant let hormones tell me what it wants me to do. On this journey, we have ups and downs. We get so mad at that scale that even I, even -tempered and calm soul that I am, have threatened it with a hammer. There are times when we get sidelined by our friends or family. Like its not going into their mouth, why do they care so much? Thats another blog in itself though. My point is, that no matter how tired we get, or any of that other stuff–we have to keep going guys. I have fallen off that wagon so many times that I have my own spots in the dirt. OK. I’ve been there. Its not fun at all guys. One of the worst things about all that—its really hard to mentally get going again. Then, you have to fight the pounds you’ve gained while you were laying in the dirt. That just adds to the frustrations.

You can find any excuse or rationalizations you want to skip your workout or to eat that treat when you’ve already have a high calorie day. Stressed, too hot to cook, list goes on–lets eat out. Translation for most of us (me) is that it goes over to ….eat out…hell its pig out.

This is not a game for so many of us. We are headed for all kinds of health problems. Seriously, who wants to be a diabetic? Do you want to have a heart attack? Do you want to have high blood pressure? Go back to your old ways of eating whatever you want, whenever you want and the price is a real killer. Its not just paying the cost in pounds friends, its payment is taken out in your health. Problem with that, its coming for you on down the line-maybe not today so we dont look at it like that. Who cares about the future–I want it now type deal.

Stop letting emotions, friends and family, and yes, even yourself,  knock you off that path. Have your bad day that came around–pamper yourself with other things then food. Spend an hour doing something you enjoy. Take that bubblebath with candles and low lights, maybe even soft music. Point is, there are so many ways to comfort yourself or destress that doesnt come back and bite you in the butt.

I dont know about you guys–but i’m darn sure hanging on to that wagon for dear life. I’m not letting everything take my control away from me. What about you guys–whos in control?? What costs are you paying? Are you staying on that wagon? Make up your mind guys–its all up to YOU.

Good morning guys-

well, I survived the night as you can see. It amazes me how much pms can just make you crazy. I’m ok with mood swings so far today but backaches and cramps–shakes head, so much for midol 12 hour.  I am proud to say that I allow myself two pms chocolates–not the kingsize versions either…so far….none!!! (sitting here smiling).

I do have good news. We just started our team on Monday and did weigh ins then too. So, most of you know i’ve been gaining and gaining. Well, I did a scale check today, and good news is–its down 3 lbs! Yay! So, we still have quite a few days before our next weigh in on Moday so I hoping for maybe one more? lol. Hubby is also down 3 lbs today–I told him at lunch time yesteriday that i’m proud of him for sticking to his guns and doing so good. He’s not even drinking diet dr pepper–but water and stuff. Yay!!

Anyway, I gotta see if its cool enough for a walk with Chance. Take care guys and lets make this a great day for weight loss.

PMS is such a witch. Mood swings, bloating and cramping. What’s got me going right now is the mood swings. I went grocery shopping and found myself very annoyed at several different things. Driving home, I found myself thinking–I wonder who’s head I can bite off. What the hell? I alternated between feeling mad and sad enough to wanna cry. This is Insane. I came home and one of the first blogs I read, I found myself wanting to let the demon loose–growling and snarling–but, I was good. I didnt. Sighs. (It wasnt at the person that wrote the blog but that she was  recieving  rudeness from someone else that got me wanting to growl).  I was telling hubby about it, and he was like–you need chocolate. Uh, NO. I dont. Now, I find myself tired from all these emotions. Funny thing is, hubby asked me to pick something up and hand it to him–and he’s like–i’m sorry. I didnt say anything. I picked up something else to hand to him, again, he said–i’m sorry. I just looked at him. I asked him, why are you saying that–he was like-i’m just trying to be careful. That made me laugh.

By the end of the week (after pms is gone this time) I should have the stuff I ordered online come in–trying something new that is supposed to help hormonal balance and cramps, moodiness etc etc for that time of month. Lets hope it works.

I’m hanging in there despite everything guys. I know its temporary insanity and it will pass soon. So, I’m staying on track just like I should. No excuses.

Well, at first I was really mad when I stepped on the scale this morning. However, now that i’ve cooled off, gotta just go with it. I know pms has me bloated like a hot air balloon. Lets see, put on shorts yesteriday morning to go walking…by time I made it home-they were tight! All day yesteriday they were tight–I was like, what in the world–you didnt fit like that this morning. Oh well. So, stepped on the scale and its in the 250s range now–252 lbs now. 4 lb gain. I glared the scale but apparently it didnt scare him a bit. Then, for our team, we got to do measurements. Well, at least I know now that I gain all over, instead of one spot. That means I lose all over right? Thats the theory anyway lol. Bad news is that next too my boobs, my butt is the biggest thing i’m hauling around!! I always thought it was my belly and to find that my butt is bigger then that-OMG. I really had no idea–of course, I knew it was big-cant miss it. But, I have this huge belly and to think I stick out both ways–belly and butt!! A mental image of that popped into my head—oh my god, now i’m tickled lmao. That is so bad guys!! lol. Cartoon character anyone!

Anyway, you know what…this makes me more determined then ever to lose all these darn pounds i’ve gained. That means sticking with hubbys diabetic diet and working out. So, my goal for this round–we weigh in on mondays–next monday–2 lbs down is what i’m looking for. I can do that!

PMS–I have a message for you. You will NOT sending me rushing into the kitchen to please your cravings. So there!

Good morning guys–how’s it going out there?

Well, I have great news this morning. I have written in many times about Brandy, my hubby. When he was diagnosed as diabetic, he talked and talked til I decided to do his diet that the doctor put him on. Well, he fell off the wagon and I stopped following it so closely–just small portions for me. Then, on and off, a large portion comes along. They sneak in there if you dont watch it now i’m telling ya. Anyway, i’ve been really worried as he’s gained most of the  weight he’s lost back. Plus, he was eating huge amounts of food. So, during his hospital stay this time, he had to have insulin every single day. Its still running high with his regular meds (pills, not shots). So, he told me, that he Has to get back on track. I think the insulin scared him. He knows where his headed if he dont change his ways. So, last night at supper time, we started over. A brand new start for us–back to measure foods out and go along with the foods that the diet recommends. The diet is simply regular foods, tight portion control, timed eating–well, sugar free of course. I’m getting back on it to try and encourage him to stick with it and to get eating back under control. Wish us luck guys–for my hubbys health, and as well as my own–we have to do this.  While its not gonna be hard for me to follow—I just get where I dont wanna eat that much (the snacks etc)–hubby will be suffering. He has gotten used to lots of food, and boy, this isnt that kind of diet lol. It will take about 2 or 3 weeks where he’s not suffering–at least that is how long it took last time.

Other news, Shirley–my sister that lies all the time–told me she is gonna have to have surgery on her neck. Well, one thing about it, if its a lie, its gonna be funny to see how she wiggles out of it. After all, its a long recovery time so she told me. If its true, I wish I could be there-yes, despite everything. However, there is just no way. Its gonna suck for her if this surgery takes place as she told me the recovery time is 8 to 12 months. Yuck! But, with my sister, who knows what the truth is. Oh, and get this. I was talking to her Friday. She was doing tests and stuff to get ready for the surgery on Tuesday. She was like, yeah, they weighed me and i’ve lost 27 lbs. Eating candy and drinking sodas no less. I just told her, that’s cool. She has this thing when I start losing weight–she has to jump in there too–only hers is magic cause she does absolutely nothing to earn it. Yep, sure thing girl. She does it to get to me, whatever! Hell, at the rate she supposedly loses weight, she should be small as in under 200 lbs–she looks the same whenever I see her though. In the 290 range, but then its–oh, I gained a few pounds back, whenever I ask her about it lol. Games people play.

Alright guys, here we are facing a new week. Now, I dont know about you guys, but with me–lord, i’ve been off track! Most of you know about my bouncing weight. Of course, my last “new start” and hubby ended up in the hospital and that threw me off. So, diet is laid out and ready to roll. Exercise plans are still where I left them. I’ve written in about the battles with food and wondered what I can do about it. Well, here’s the deal, its not just me anymore. I have to start taking control. That means being more hard core. Get the workouts in, water, and follow this diet. I can lose the weight. There is always that little voice in my head that says, I dont wanna…lets have junk for snacks etc–you guys get the idea. Well, who is in control, me or that little voice that wants to lead me astray?? I have to develope a stronger backbone and you get it, by just doing it and not taking any excuses! I’m not saying I can be strong all the time, yet, I know when I being weak. My option now is to get the hell out of the kitchen and probably the house during those moments. Run away from the ice box–yep, I’m not afraid to admit it-that is exactly what I plan on doing–running like a scared chicken!! Good news is the icebox cant chase me back! lol.

Hey guys, how ya doing?

Well, hubby is finally home! Yay! He is gonna be on antibotics in the hopes of ending the problem with all these abcesses and hospital stays. Doc is gonna have him take it for 1 month or maybe 2-just kind of depends. I dropped off his prescription to the pharmacy and happened to ask how much it was. I like to have choked–$247. Yeah, that works, hubby is on unemployment. So, talked to the lady in the pharmacy and they worked it out to get more pills, at less mg. That was $65. Whew! They are giving him the same meds that they were using at the hospital. Tomarrow, I’m driving up to neighboring town and pick up some soap that someone here recommended. Found out the other day where we can get it…so wish me luck on that. We asked the doc about it and he was like us, shoot, it wont hurt. Other hubby  news is that hubbys blood sugar has been high–which I might have mentioned already. He’s gotta get back on track with meals, timing and portion control.

Well, my last blog was a downer, I know. I just got to figure this out you know, how to live with food. Not overeat or binge. Or doing the opposite and go hungry and focusing so tight on it–that it ends up all I think about. I recognize the fact I go through cycles. I know I need balance in my life. We eat cause we are hungry, bored, entertainment, or stressed (think chocolate here). I also binge on just regular foods too. We celebrate with food. We mourn with food. Its in our daily activities. We have to have it. Nothing in food is evil, despite what we may think (think chocolate again lol). You know, if I spent even half the time concerned with my workouts or physical activity as I do food–how much better that would be for me.

Now, what I’m fixing to write, please dont take me wrong ok. These are just my thoughts and feelings-I’m not making fun of this guy. Ok, there is this guy that works at a store I used to go to a lot. Now, this guy has always been really big. Probably, 350-400 lb range. Now, I stopped at that store and got some gas today on my way home. He was the one that was working today. Guys, he seriously looks so much bigger now then even the last time I saw him. Its so sad. My heart breaks for him. He’s slowly killing himself. People like him scare me -as its a reminder of where i’m headed. See, people like me and him, food might as well be our drug of choice. I can easily see myself waking up one day at 350 lbs. (my heaviest was at 306 lbs). We go into denial. After all, everyone eats. Honestly, it was only a health scare that set me on my last weight loss journey. This time is was hubbys nagging.

I dont know guys, I’ve been doing a lot of thinking lately about all this. My cycles I go through. My ups and downs on my weight. How for months on end now i’m still in the 240s. There has to be an answer some where. I dont want to stay and keep doing the same damn thing for the next year or even 10 years. I’ve wasted my entire adult life being fat. Isnt it time for me now?

Terri clark sings a song called “i’m an emotional girl”. Yep, I sure am. Its amazing how fast I can change from happy to sad and tears and back again. The thing is, being an emotional girl, man it takes a toll on me. Last night, I went back over some blogs looking for some information. I could tell by the titles of the blogs as to what kind of state i’m was in. I also noticed a pattern of getting down and gaining weight, to getting fired up and ready to tackle things again. Oops, something happened and down I went again. The thing is, this has created a cycle in my journey–a bad one. For Months now I have been between 239 (one brief second) to 250 lbs. That is what being an emotional girl has gotten me.

So many of you know that I wrote in and decided enough was enough. I made up a new exercise plans, and oh I swore I was dicated to getting my food back under control. Well, joke was on me. Monday morning was gonna be my new start. Hubby was admitted to the hospital Sunday night. Since then, my old patterns have returned full force. Plus, despite trying not to, and telling myself it will be ok, that we will just ride it out. Stress showed up on my body too. My face broke out, white hairs popped up-I didnt have them the day before. I got sick as a dog one day. I’ve had headaches and dizziness and pain in my neck from the headaches. Tonight, I came home early to take medicine for allergies. Yeah, being an emotional girl has really paid off for me huh. So, even though I tell myself one thing–my body says, your a liar.

Looking ahead at the rest of the year, its looking like a real bitch too. I wonder what am I gonna do. Still stay in this old pattern? At this rate, I will be back up to 297 lbs in no time. Or, at the very least, still fighting this 240-250 range that has been dragging me down for so long. Shrugs..I dont know. 

Ok guys, its safe to come out. No more mushy stuff. I got that out of my system last night on my last blog lol. However, pms is coming in about a week and after that, its fair game again.

I’m sitting in here with my computer instead of getting up and cleaning my kitchen. I’m just a tired puppy. A thought someone shared with me keeps running through my head–that is: the house is there for you, not for you to be there for the house.  See, last few times hubby was in the hospital, I was trying so hard to keep up with everything and in the process was running myself into the ground. So, taking a little different path this time. For one, i’ve been sooo tired. I was complaining about sleeping problems in the last month or so–having hubby in the hospital sure didnt help that. Oh well.

Now true confession time. I had every intention of stopping at the store tonight on the way home from the hospital. Why, for sweets! Maybe even a soda. Yet, I kept driving and past the store. I kept hearing those words….take care of yourself, dont do it, no-no-nooo. I have been told this by my buddies over and over again. I swear this is where it was coming from. So, I ended up coming straight home. Finally, I listened to you guys.

Anyway this blog is gonna be shorter then normal. I’ve had a headache all afternoon and some slight dizziness to go with it. Add in the tiredness and i’m already ready for bed at 8:30 pm. I just wanted to touch base with you guys…take care now.

First of all, let me say, I have some amazing buddies here. Becca girl, I seen that note you sent out to everyone letting them know that Brandy, my hubby is in the hospital and that I needed love and support. I’m sitting here with tears running down my face. I love ya girl, you know that right? I’ve also had other buddies write to me, reminding me that hey girl, take care of yourself even during these times. (Florence–thank you and love ya too). Those that really know me, know that I put myself last when times of stress hit. Also, other buddies writing in, offering support and love–trying to help. It just means so much to me that you guys care. So, here are the tears running down my face, but they are tears of joy at finding real true friends like you guys. How did I get so lucky?  Thank you so much guys…love each one of you guys so much.

You know, I came in here feeling like such a loser. Here I had fired myself up and day one rolls around and I failed. Then, with all the stuff i’ve read from you guys, you have made me feel so much better now. I did have one 45 minute walk while hubby was napping. (success) I didnt touch any of the vending machines. (success) However, breakfast and lunch were pretty much tied together as one meal. (fail). For supper, I had one bowl of hamburger helper-1 cup. Sat there and tried to convince myself afterwards that I would not get sick. It didnt work. My mind tried to tell my body to suck it up and eat it…and my body was warning me that it didnt want it. Well, my body definitely won that battle. God, I hate getting sick like that. I’m tired and drained now. I did go back up to the hospital afterwards but hubby wanted to watch tv so I came home to relax. Now, I doubt if I get any more of a workout in (failed).

 But, despite everything, I am slowing coming to realize that I do have choices in how I behave in times of high stress. When, I learned of this round..after the ER visit and they admitted hubby, I ate 2 debbie snack cakes and drank a soda last night. Guess what, it didnt change a damn thing. Not how stressed I was. It didnt stop me from feeling sad either. Shoot, to be honest, it wasnt even like I enjoyed them, I stuffed them down so fast. I guess I’m learning that if your old ways of doing things dont work, it might be time to get new ways. 

Buddies, again from the bottom of my heart..I love you guys.