somemansdream

Someone wrote a blog today that fit me and the way I feel about my weight loss efforts lately-disconnected. Yep, that pretty much sums it up. The last two weeks I’ve been good and with not much in the way of results for my efforts. It wasnt happiness or anything that kept me going…it was more like holding my nose to the grindstone, gotta get it done type of deal. Each day I would pledge to make it a great weight loss day and then have a plan which I followed through. Then, this weekend hit..and I ate and ate. Regular little pig out. That devil sat on my shoulder and said, hey, your efforts didnt pay off, why not enjoy yourself. I agreed with him. Yesteriday came by, and I said enough and that I would get back on track today. Which I did. But, really, I could care less. I have no joy at the thought of doing what I’ve been doing to make it a successful weight loss day. I’m not feeling the connection between caring and efforts and results. Shrugs.

Now, I do now for the last few months, yes months, I have been bouncing around in the 240s. I go down, and I go up…round and round in circles I go. I think for me, part of the problem is my lack of working out. I let my knee and my dizzy spells say what I will or will not do. I ended up quitting working out all together. For this fat girl, I guess I have finally come to the conclusion that working out makes me feel strong and makes me feel good. When I do dont it, its like…why bother. I noticed even that first week when I lost 2 lbs…from just watching my diet, it was like..ok, that’s good….my attitude is more like..whatever.  I have bounced back and forth on my opinion on working out. Yes, I can or no, wait for the doctor. I think this ties in my feeling of being disconnected. So, I’ve already pretty much made up my mind to get back into working out again. I’m gonna play around with my workouts and see what works and what doesnt. I tell ya, you dont get that …i’m sweating like a pig, but man, I feel strong from just watching your diet. There is nothing to strive for…no better time, no extra reps…nothing. Just, oh, watch my calories. Weee. (yes, sarcasm). 

Anyway, here’s hoping I can find that connection again. Man, I want out of the 240s!!  I have to smile. That girl that wrote the blog that I connected to today…she wants to be built like a house…we call it stacked here…smiles..I wouldnt mind being stacked!! lol.  All sexy curves and feeling good about myself.

You know sometimes people do have the ability to shock me still. Today, I got a heck of a surprise. My sister Mel called and I couldnt understand what she wanted. She wanted to come over and get a grocery list from me. I thought, but didnt say, what you dont know how to make one or what. I was like uhhh…why? She was like I want to buy you guys some groceries. When I realized what she wanted, I was like..Mel, any money that you have gotten needs to go to you and those babies. She explained the deal and she was doing fine. She just wanted to help us out, knowing that we buy a few groceries here and there as money is tight. So, I’m sitting in the parking lot in a neighboring city, with tears rolling down my face. I told her, now you did it….this is making me cry. So, her and my hubby got together and went to the store. Guys, she spent almost $500 on groceries for us…every cabinet, ice box and deep freeze is completely full!!! So, a little bit later hubby gets another phone call from my sister…asking hey, do you wanna BBQ. Hubby already planned on grilling our supper so he was like sure. So, my sister and her kids and hubby came over and grilled and ate supper with hubby. Brandy (hubby) told me that two of the kids (tots) came up to him with rib bones in their hands that they were gnawing on…held it up and Heather said more, with Rachael behind her …going ..yeah, more! lol. How cute that must of been.

You know, here lately, we sure have been catching some blessings here and there. Some small and some bigger, and I have to tell you guys…I’m sooo very thankful for each of them.  Since last Oct, it seems  like its been one thing after another….and now here lately…last 2 weeks or so….little blessings are coming and bigger ones too. Makes me wanna cry. (yeah, I know its just the pms as I started today…not nornally the weepy type unless something is seriously wrong –aww joys of pms).

Even though PMS is not officially here yet…boy, I can its coming. Up at 4 am with cramps this morning. I was laying in bed thinking, well maybe since its not officially here, the weigh in will be ok. Nope, scale playing the jackass this morning and showed a 1 lb gain. I was standing there looking at the scale, thinking…where in the hell do you think a pound game from?? Mentally ranting cause i’ve measured my foods and have been so good this week. I’ve watched my salt too…and more. Each day I would pledge it was gonna be a good weight loss day and I would plan and follow through. Then standing there looking at the scale this morning. I tried to tell myself all the things that I would tell you guys if it was one of you, it didnt work. Then, I called hubby and told him he forgot his lunch. He was like, your up early. Told him yeah and told him about cramping. He asked if he needed to bring me some chocolate and tears filled my eyes and I wanted to cry. I just told him no. Yep, PMS is coming for me–I dont cry over chocolate normally. As I came into the computer room, still mentally talking to myself about the pound and chocolate and pms—I figured out that logic doesnt play into it a whole lot when it comes to hormones screwing with me. Plus, last night I stepped on the scale and the number was even higher then expected…and it enraged me–I was pissed now. That sent me into a mental rant too. Anyway, no matter what the scale said…I do plan on staying on track. I know its hormones that are sending me bouncing between mad and upset. Well, the scale can kiss my butt. I’m not heading for the nearest food just cause of him.

Hope you guys have a great weight loss day. It doesnt matter what it is, PMS, troubles, stress or whatever…you still have the choice in how you behave and you can still make it a good weight loss day. Dont over do it to the point where you spend all next week trying to undo the damage. Good luck guys, sending hugs and love out to each of ya.

Hey guys,

Yep its taken me all day to get in here and write a blog. Can you believe it? Its been a day of mixed news for us. The worst of it, a friend of my daughter was murdered last night. I just got off the phone with her, my daughter. She wants to spend the night with the family and go to the funeral with them saturday, but she doesnt know for sure yet. She was friends with the daughter in the family and has spent a lot of time over there–it was the girls brother that was killed. They got the guy that did it but you know that this family will never be the same no matter what a judge or jury does to that guy. 

Next is that hubby did break his finger yesteriday. Ouch. Of course he didnt go to the doctor and he didnt wrap it or anything. Not the first time something like this has happened but still…I know it hurts.

Good news is that we got another round of unexpected money. We had sold this guy we knew something and he never paid for it and we figured it was forgotten. (we still had it though). We got a call today that he wanted to come by and pick the stuff up and give us the money. Cool!! Hubby got the money and was like, what do you want to do with it? We ended up just splitting it…hubby was like…all the money he makes is gone to bills and so he was like here…..rare treat…spending money. Half smile, I didnt even complain…it gets frustrating not even having $5 to carry and say its yours. I was looking at it…its still in my wallet and its like…money is mine? Now, we did get some extra money yesteriday….but it went to the grocery store…yes, and rented a couple of movies for hubby and then I got $15 to color my hair. However, a lot of time, its months before we get a few dollars for us. I rebelled the other day and told him….I want money for the 4th of july!! lmao

I dont think I told you guys. But we decided to fix this car we have parked in our back yard for me and turn my blazer over to the dealer so we can lose that payment. Well, a few months ago, we checked out the prices for a new transmission for that car and we were looking at $2,200 to $2,300. for another one…ouch. Well hubby was at the auto parts store and decided to have them run the info to see what a transmission would cost. Less then $1300. He called me with the good news. It will have a 3 yr, unlimited mile warranty on it. Hey, save money and get a good warranty…works for me!! So, by the end of next month…I should have it fixed.

Now, for weight loss or yet, the weigh in tomarrow. Now, regardless of what that scale tells me. I know I’ve had a really good week food wise. I have been watching calories like a hawk now! lol. Now, I only got one walk in and that was yesteriday. Despite my love of walking, ohh I paid for it. I think I forget how much my knee will hurt if I do it. Cause after staying off of it for 3 days and plus some…pain goes down to a real low level. So, I think….one little walk…its no big deal. Jokes on me. I guess sometimes it takes a while for the lesson to really lock in for me. Then, I caught myself looking at this exercise plan today, thinking…oh, I bet that wouldnt hurt too much. Wanna bet?? So, logic stepped in and says…dont be stupid! lol. I’ll wait. I gotta learn some patience!! So, weigh in tomarrow. We will see…I’m hopeful but you never know. I know pms is coming right around the corner…woke up at 4 am the other morning with cramps…thinking…oh come on…not so soon. So, if the scale reads bad…I wont take it too personally. You can only do so much. I’m watching my food intake…cant really work out….so I cant stress or wig out if the scale isnt nice. However, I do NOT promise that I wont call him a jackass and put him back in the closet if he is ugly to me tomarrow lol.

Well buddies….I just wanna leave ya with a little message. We know the weekend is coming right? After all, that is why we love fridays!! However, enjoy the weekend but dont let it be something your gonna have to take all next week to fix. There are so many ways to fix the foods we love with reduced calorie/fat ingredients….or replacements for something thats really bad….like my weight watchers ice cream instead of ice cream from dairy queen!! Look for that balance this weekend and you might even amaze yourself!! Good luck guys…sending love and hugs out to all of you!!!

Ok,  so today I wrote about my desire that I still wanted to try the red hair deal. Last time, it didnt do anything. So, a lot of you guys gave me some tips and then I did some reading. I was like, naw…dont wanna bleach my hair so I wont get the color I want. Bummer. Then hubby came home with a little bit of unexpected money….yep, bless him…he gave me some of it to color my hair.

Well, I picked up my sister and off to the store we went. I figured at the most I would get red highlights out of it and that was ok. You guys can see from my pic my hair is black. (that came from a medium brown color while back lol).  We got a color that was pretty. Colored it with my sisters help. I hear…ohhhh, I like that! That is so cool looking. This is what i’m hearing as i’m drying it. Go look in the mirror…and my whites definitely turned red….when you lifted my hair and shifted it in the light…you could see the red and it still looked dark. Mmmm….off in the sunlight…wow, that is dark red that catches on fire in the sunlight…when I looked in the mirror…oohhh…pretty. My sister says it looks like I had the black and the red blended very carefully so it flows really pretty! That will work!! lol. So, I will wear this a bit…and then get the same color to get the true red it shows on the box. Success..yay!!

As soon as I can, I’ll get a pic to show you guys my new red/black hair lmao.

Yeah, I know…my second blog today and its only 9:30 am. lol. Lets have some girl talk though. Some of you might remember that here a while back, I tried to change my hair to red. My mom has been a redhead all her life and so has my older sister. Now, last time I tried this…I got my youngers sister on the bandwagon and she did it with me. Only hers actually turned red and mine didnt lol. Well, I really never got past my interest on doing that. But, lately my interested has peaked again. See, while I wont name the person (even though this is a compliment I think)…this girl has come to buddyslim and she has the most beautiful red hair…oh I fell in love with the color. Then, I went to the library and got a book. There was a picture of the author on the back and she also had that really beautiful shade of dark red hair. Opened up one of the books I got….the girl in the book has red hair!! lmao. Its everywhere! Its has fueled up my interest again. I am gonna get some money for the 4th of july….can ya guess what i’m thinking about doing! lol.

You know, there is a time in your life where ya just wanna spice things up. That is where the red hair comes in and also my desire to get a tat. The tat will have to wait a bit but I can do the hair if I can get it (my hair) to work with me lol.  If I manage to get this done, i’ll post a pic of it. But, like I said…be a little while. Wish me luck!

Good morning guys!

I first wanna say…omg, you guys are so funny. Sometimes I forget how something might sound when I write a blog..focused on getting my intent across. Well, I roared with laughter yesteriday when you guys thought I was talking about hubby!!! That was just too freaking funny.

Ok, most of you guys know i’m tend to forget things sometimes. Well, the other day I wrote a blog about my niece, her daughter and my daughter brittney being involved in a potential domestic violence situation in NM. (Im in texas). Anyway, I think I told some of you guys how it ended up like in the forums but I dont think I updated you guys here in my blogs. If I did, bare with me cause I forgot lol. Well, my sister drove up there to get them. I was on edge because it takes 3 or 4 hours to get up there. So, anyway, my daughter finally called me and let me know that they had moved to a safer place to wait for my sister to get up there. Whew!! So, my sister picked them all up and all is well. Funny enough, my sister and her hubby just put a down payment on a house. Well, now Sam (niece), McKenna (her daugher) and my daughter Brittney will be living in that house. I told my daughter she could come home but she’s staying with Sam. (I tried lol). Good news is that its less then an hour away once they get moved into that house. So, I feel good about that.

Well, yesteriday I was ranting at the scale and telling him that I will not let him set me back to that same darn number he always sends me too..that 246. So, today I got up early and went walking. While it was cool enough, no breeze what so ever! Talk about sweating!! Ewwww. I had to come home and clean up, put clean clothes on. Good news is that I made Chance happy (my dog) –he loves his walks. There is always that little inner nag in my head that likes to be mean. Well, when I got home and seen the time verses the miles I walked…I was like…..oh no…not even going there! (cause she wants to nag cause I used to be able to do better). 

Anyway, that’s about it. I am Very determined to have another good weight loss day. What about you–are you gonna have one too???

That’s right, there’s no living with him. He’s moody and unpredictable. I dont know why I try to rely on him. He acts like a jerk and only on a rare occassion is he nice to me!!!

However, I will not let him get me down! I am putting him back in the closet and I’m ignoring everything he said to me! Friday was the last day he was nice. Now, he is just a big jerk. You know what he said to me today!!! He told me I was back up to that stupid 246 lbs again. I have been so good and the scale is being a jackass!! I’m not letting him get to me though. I’m gonna do good again today just to spite him!!! Hands on hips….here I go….I skip any sweets, sodas…extra foods and play nice with doing good meals and this is how he rewards me! Thats ok mister, the fight is ON! I will NOT let you tell me 246 lbs and keep me there again. Yeah, and you can tell your buddy PMS that Im not letting him get to me either! He’s even more of a jerk then you are. Tell him to stay away from me until after my weigh in friday. PMS and all his little wicked buddies needs to find someone else to pester.  I want everyone to play NICE this week you hear me!! That’s an order! Scale…I have a hammer with your name on it so dont mess with me! PMS, and all your little buddies….I will figure out revenge on you too if you mess with me.  Listen very carefully PMS–warn your friends. Cravings–needs to find a new home, I am not opening the door to him!! Bloat–ha ha, I’ve already started meds for you! Moodiness–I got my music all ready to take off your bitchiness. Cramps–I got your meds ready too so dont make me fix you too!! If you all play nice, there will not be any problems. You just better remember…I AM meaner then you and I WILL WIN!!

Guys, I am sitting here so worried! Some of you guys have heard me talk about my niece Sam that lives in NM and that my daughter moved up there to be with her. Sam lives with her boyfriend Matt. Well, I got a call from my sister (the one who I never know if she’s lying or not). She told me that she was going to go to NM wednesday and pick up sam, her daughter and Brittney-my daughter. Ok. So, I called my daughter and she said she just found out about it a bit ago and she didnt know what was going on. Well, my sister said she got a call from Sam where she was crying and screaming for her to hurry and the phone went dead. Tries to call back and there is no answer. So, my sister said she was heading to NM to get them today. Finally, Dallas (matts brother) calls to let her know that sam and everyone else in the house is ok. The screaming and crying was because Sam was upset…not cause Matt was beating her. Her phone got turned off so she couldnt call back on her phone. So, fast forward a few minutes later. Sam calls my sister and lets her know that Matt is planning on starting stuff with her (my sister). I told my sister…as soon as you get up there…call the police department and have them escort you to get the girls. I wont rest easy til my sister calls and says shes got everyone and they are leaving NM. I know alot of abused women go back to their men. Matt had stalked sam, hit her once and vandalized her vehicle and so she had him arrested in the past. So, when she said she was going back to him….I thought she was crazy but its her life. So, when all this came up…knowing its not beyond Matt to hit her…I feared the worse…still do as the situation can  change so fast. Dallas is there to try and keep things like that from happening. Now, my daughter is living with them…and to be honest…I dont know what  she would do in that kind of situation. She has never seen or been a part of domestic volience as far as I know. Part of me believes that if she saw Sam being hit, it wouldnt be beyond her to pick something up and smack him with it or if she would get Mckenna(sams 5 yr old daughter) and get out. Anyway, I called my husband to let him know what’s going on. So, now its a waiting game….even speeding it will take time for my sister to get to NM. I am praying that Dallas can keep everyone calm and just wait for my sister to show up.

Anyway, I’m sitting worried to death. Its gonna take hours for this to get settled. Praying everyone will stay safe. I came in here to vent…trying to let some of this pressure i’m feeling off. It didnt work. I’ll stay calm…its just a few hours…everyone will be ok. Deep breath. Sometimes a few hours seem like a lifetime though…

Hey guys, how are ya doing?

First, let me write about something. I’m so happy! See, most of you guys already know i’m half deaf so its no surprise. Well, here a while back my high dollar head phones died on me. I couldnt afford to get the same kind so I just got those cheap ones at walmart. Well, hubby got a bonus of $50 and though I told him to keep it for him, he bought me some new headphones. I tell ya guys, I cant believe how much I missed my music! I got those new headphones out and plugged them in…oh heaven!!! So happy. I really didnt realize how much I missed it…I just knew that I wasnt listening to my music much anymore. So, I’m sending thanks out to hubby!

Plus, hubby grilled some steaks we had in the freezer and made baked potatoes!! Man, he’s a good griller! I start drooling just at the thought! Probably good thing we didnt do like we used to and cook a bunch of stuff. I would have eaten more. I wasnt quite full when I ran out of steak lol.

Now, while I really havent been off track–just a little of this or that since friday. Nothing major. However, tomarrow I am not letting anything stand in my way of a great day for weight loss! I’m gonna get up early and do some walking..(yeah, I know…my knee but I Miss it! Mini walks maybe?). I have my meals planned out….lunch will be a 250 calorie tv dinner that I will add some veggie to(beans, corn or something). I am gonna cut a protein bar in half for two planned snacks.  Lots of water, some herbal tea too. So, all laid out and ready for me to tackle it.  I WILL make tomarrow a successful day! No excuses!!

The only thing that sucks is that probably at the very end of next week…awww pms time! I’m hoping it will be cool and wait til after my weigh in for the week. lol.

Dizzy spells….one hit me today. Not as bad as the other day, just enough to send me swaying so I grabbed hubby and the tv. Since we have checked my blood sugar when its happened before, I decided to get my blood pressure checked. I know those machines at walmart probably are not the best but still. First time I took it…was high reading…2nd time was below what is supposed to be normal. So, it was like…pick a number, any number lol. I did note the time…only 2 1/2 hours since my last meal. Gonna start keeping an eye on circumstances and see if I can figure something out til I can get to the docs.  Each time, it has occurred when i’m on my feet. Another note: two times that I remember…I saw blackness like I was gonna pass out. I got tired after this happened today. Also, sweating (back soaked and I was in walmart which is airconditioned)  more then it called for after todays dizziness.  Ok, there. Got my notes done on this so I can see if there is a pattern here.

Come on guys…tomarrow starts a brand new week. Lets kick some butt now!!