somemansdream

Ok, I’m gonna write about something I have heard over & over ..especially in the last few years.  I have heard people say (family mostly) that they want what I have (what hubby & I have).  The want the kind of lifestyle hubby and I have….we are far from rich. We live in a simple little house. Hubby treats me like a queen, yes I know this…but, in return…I do the same for him. We support each other…we talk about everything..Ilove yous and hugs every day…lots of phone calls if one of us is gone..stuff like that.  We have been married 20 years. We drive decent vehicles …nothing fancy…no sports cars or anything. I dress plainly…I’m over weight…….In other words…just a normal couple…nothing fancy…everything is decent that we own.  We get spending money now and then…nothing outrageous. So, why in the world is my sisters and sometimes friends wanting to copy us?? Why do they want what we have? I just dont get it.

Some examples…I wore the same perfume for years and years. I stopped wearing it cause everyone started wearing it…both of my sisters. I found a different one.  Same with makeup…they love to see what i got..they have actually made lists and went & bought the stuff.  I used to want a mustang…and thats all my sister started talking about.  I decided the mustangs dont have enough room…so when I bought a vehicle…I choose a blazer….my sister started telling me…she’s buying a blazer.  I told hubby that I would love a german sheppard…they are beautiful…and I have never had one.I got one in May & hes great…last night my sister calls me to tell me ….she went and got 2 german sheppard puppies.

I dont understand this obession to copy me and my hubby. My older sister is the main one in the lists above. Yet, my younger sister does it to. Has flat said she wants what Hubby and I have.  What makes me mad…is that hubby& I  have worked very hard to get to this place in life. Our relationship has suffered its blows over the last 20 years…its taken some suffering to get here.  I mean, yeah….we now know that there is nothing we will let separate us…and we both agree…that we are what counts…us, our family. Thats the bottom line for us.  And my sisters have seen the hard times–so its not like its something magical….that we live this fairy tale life.  So, what is the deal with the copy catting??  I dont get it.  My dreams/ hubbys dreams….isnt the same thing that they dream of…so what is the point in all this.  Sorry guys…but this has been going on for years…never have understood it.  I know its a fact…..but come on…its so bizzare.  I mean,  if I tell hubby I want this or that for christmas…is my sister gonna go out and get it too??  If we plan on something….will she start talking about how much she wants it too??

My hubby says they are jealous.  Maybe they are..i dont know. I really think its crazy though.  I almost feel like they would like to be me…I dont know why…not like i’m anything special…well, except to hubby. So, they copy whatever they can…buying same things etc.  Anyway, I just wanted to vent….like i said..its been going on forever.  At least..now, 2 puppies have a new home.  I adopted two street cats or rather they adopted me…and yes, she has two cats too.  At least these animals have a home now.  I just wonder what will be next…she’s already on the band wagon for losing weight like I am.  Animals…clothes…makeup…she’s too cheap to buy the vehicles like we have though she talks about how she wants them & on & on.  Sighs…oh well…I cant change it…just it gets annoying at times.

Love Debbie

I was wondering…can you send a booster to more than one buddy at a time…like your whole list of buddies?? If so, shoot me now..cause I have been doing this the hard way all these months….you would think I would have either…figured this out on my own…or ask someone sooner lol. Cause I love my buddies and love all the cute boosters available…but, like tonight…I think my eyes are crossed from sending all of these out lol. But, I got it done…yay!  Thanks for any help you guys can give me….Love Debbie 

HAVE A SAFE AND HAPPY HALLOWEEN EVERYONE!! 

Good morning everyone!

The other day, I posted a blog and in it…one of things I wanted to do is find joy in the little things.  Well, right after that…same day I think…I felt depression digging its claws in me.  The good news is…I didnt want any food…but I still ate enough to get me through the day…but snacking..craving sweets..none at all.  Also, this time around it was pretty mild..thank you god.  Yesteriday, I caught myself thinking about this whole weight loss issue. Thought to myself….why does this have to be so hard…i’m tired of messing with it.  Big smile here….then I turned right around and told myself…if its hard…its in your head…your making this hard…you can have peace in your heart/mind  if you want…this doesnt have to be some manic race to lose the fat…get all obsessive and stuff.  So, I am learning to challenge my thinking…which is really great….this happens every now and then. So, today i’m calmer about the whole issue.  I tend to get really wrapped up in things. Today, is gonna be a good day….nice even mood.  No worries…I feel like i can handle food today…exercise….like its no biggie lol. I dont know how long this feeling will last…maybe only a hour or two…but gonna enjoy it while I can!!  Hell, I may blog later  today and sound like a raving nut over some food or something lol. 

Other things, well my daughter is a senior this year.  They are doing all their voting for class things….best dressed…and just whatever.  She wants to be voted for the prettiest eyes….her friends are going to put her in for it.  She gets asked all the time…those contacts? lol  I was thinking about it today….every since she was a baby…people have commented on her eyes.  I hope she gets it. It would make her happy.  I still to this day really dont know what color they are…sure are pretty though. 

Well guys…I think its time for me to get off of here.  I think i need to find some music and play a game lol. I hope everyone has a great day.  Remember guys…you can do this.  Its a matter of choices…small ones…big ones. Sometimes we make the right ones…and sometimes temptation gets the better of us…but you know what….its ok….cause we can never give up!! 

Love Debbie

P.S. guys….that two lbs I gained….one last week and one for the early part of this week…is gone and I got my 40 lb loss back!! lol Yay!!

Ok, guys…I just read my title…..and I had to laugh…..keep your minds out of the gutter on this title lol…

Mid-week weigh in….gained another pound. I know I have been good since sunday…but, the body is a funny thing. All I can do is keep being good. Never know. Maybe the scale will be nice come Sunday.  I am not overly worried about it.  Of course, I dont want it to do it again. I probably drank some where in the neighborhood of 10 bottles of water yesteriday…didnt realize it was that many til I started looking around at the bottles & at 16.9 oz each…thats a bit of water.  Food intake was within range so its ok.

I have a question that I hope someone can answer.  Someone wrote a post about the basal metabolic rate…that you are not supposed to drop your calories below that number cause your starving your body.  Is this true???  I check mine on several online calculators and they said all the same thing…1910-1917 cal a day.  This seems really high to me.  I aim for 1500 …sometimes go above it…sometimes below.  I read that your rate drops as you lose weight.  I dont wanna starve my body…but I still want to lose weight.  I know hauling this big body around takes a lot of calories but still. 

Anyway guys…check on you guys later. Much love, Debbie

Today was my daughters doctor appointment for her knees.  We are starting over at square one with her. Background: last year she went to a dr other than our family doctor as he was gone. After bloodwork (twice), x-rays…he wanted to send her to arthitis (probably spelled that wrong) specialist rule out arthitis & offered no other help. We got the packet from that specialist dr…$1000 office visit & that doesnt include any tests etc that they might want to do.  So, we decided to get insurance–took our money and it was useless. So, I watched my daughter suffer last winter…nothing over-the- counter worked. So, I decided to start back at square one with our doctor.  I am so relieved to get help. He prescribed an anti-inflamatory creme…supposed to be really good dr said…she has to put it on..4 times a day.  He gave me a sample to use also. His nurse was like…that stuff is so good…but so expensive.(she raided the other docs samples and I left with 5 of them) ..I was thinking….mmm…whats expensive I wonder…got the meds..its was $34.  Hell yeah!! lol So relieved.  Anyway, dr wants her to use this med for a month….but she has an appointment in 2 weeks to check up on her and see how things are going.  I feel like we have help now.  I flat told my doc…I would rather you deal with her if you can…but if not, we have to do something until Jan…when our insurance kicks in.  He didnt say anything about sending her off….looks like he’s gonna try to help her….which I am so happy about too.  The whole doc visit and meds were less than $100 …I am thrilled about that. 

Other news…my brother in law totaled their van the other day.  He is hurt with minor injuries…his ribs will keep him from work…they are broken…cant go back to work til he gets medical release. His job said…out to long…have to replace you.  So, there they are…3 babies..one on the way….totaled vehicle…full cover insurance…but they have only paid one payment on this vehicle and they are paying way to much for it…so probably whatever money the insurance gives out ..will go to the company where they bought it. Then they will owe the remaining balance.   Hubby said they can demand that the insurance fixes it….so maybe…I dont know.  I just called my brother in law…and told him that they might have a choice in the matter….so hopefully, it will work out.  Good news is…my sisters hubby is alive…the other problems will be dealt with as they come up. 

Well, guys…I was so excited about the results of my daughters doc visit…I had to come share.  This is something that has weighed heavily on my heart….cause of the suffering she was going through…and I felt guilty in not getting her the help she needed.  At least now, we are on the way.

I hope everyone has a blessed day!  Love Debbie

Thats right..fighting. That is what we all are here doing…myself included. We are fighting a battle that is half mental (or more) and half physical. I have been struggling with the whole eating thing…it seems to come and go in spells. Then I go check on you guys…so many of us are having hard times.  Guess what guys…the hardest part is coming (in my opinion). We have all of the holidays to get through…and if that isnt bad enough…we have to deal with the cold, ice, wind..all of winters glory.  Then, our instincts say….aww cuddle up time…eat enough to get through the winter for survival. Who cares if we still need that instinct or not now….its there…and its powerful. 

So, I have to ask myself….looking ahead and knowing whats coming….Am I going to give up??  No way! How am I going to get through the holidays….food/junk every where …cooking at home…the stores bringing out all the goodies….holiday meals.  I have two options here….I can control my food…or food can control me.  I can look back at this winter…and know I came out of it looking and feeling better then ever.  I do have the option of bailing out on this whole weight loss thing…start again in the spring…with the 40 lbs that I lost back on me…or more.  I have this choice. I am going for the healthier/smaller me.  I can NOT give up….its sad when you try something and fail. Its even more heartbreaking if the one your given up on is yourself. 

I have been overweight 19 years…..19!  That is half my life.  You know what….I deserve better then what I have given myself over the years.  However, the past is gone forever….all I can is learn from it and move on. 

Even today was a struggle….I banned candy/junk for  a week…I go to the store and immediately think…CANDY!!  No, I didnt get any. I won that battle.  However, I wished that thought never occurred to me. 

I see that even those who have lost major weight still struggle with eating right.  They kick themselves and then get going again…this is why they have succeeded. Never give up.

I have reread old journals before starting this round of weight loss. Something I have noticed is negativity and bitching about how hard it is.  Tell that to me when  I am laying in some hospital bed having doctors looking at my heart for the damages I have done with my diet.  Tell me how hard this is when I am taking pills to control  my blood sugar & I am suffering the affects of it going up and down.  How hard this is when the doctors are checking me out for a stroke…You tell me how hard this is…losing weight.  How hard is it going to be when I look in the mirror hating myself every single day for the way I look.  How hard it is when I look at my own body in shame for what I have done.  How hard this is when I bail out this winter and decide to skip this whole thing until spring….when its easier….oh, did I forget the extra pounds…and I have to start all the way back to the damn beginning.  How freaking hard is this on me!!  Its time to get over it.  I am willing to work hard in other areas in my life….yet, this one sets me scrambling for cover.  I need this to get my attitude where it should be.  I can struggle all winter long…or I can make peace with the fact that Balance is what I am looking for…working for…so I can be healthier.  Its in my head…all of it.  Where will a pity party get me…no where. What will a bad attitude get me….very unhappy and its doing it to myself.  So, its time to stop my struggling…fill my heart with peace and happiness….what I think…leads to what I feel and do.  I can be happy doing something or I can be miserable…guess what…its all my choice!!! 

I chose to be happy now. I will keep going…now and all winter…and on and on.  I will take this attitude adjustment and give myself more when I need it.  Deep breath….find joy in the small things in each and every day. Laugh. Love. Be forgiving in my mistakes…cause I will make them along the way. 

Big Smile…its time for my walk guys…much love…Debbie

Thats right..we had a big battle today and I won!! Ha Ha!  I had to go to the store…and of course, the first thought was…I can get me a candy bar.  Uh..NO.  See, I made it my goal to stay away from sweets/junk this week. I was standing in the checkout line…looking at all that candy. Thinking..well, I am below my calorie count for today….it will fit in.  Hello…am I gonna bail out of my goal for this week on the very first day…what a wimp!!  So, immediately my mind….said oh hell no….the candy stayed there and I win!!  Yay!! 

I just really wished that thoughts of candy or eating when I dont need to wouldnt even pop into my head.  However, I really dont think that will happen.  This might be my cross to bare…my daily battle….but guess what…no pity parties….there are so many other things i could be battling right now that are a billion times worse.  I can only deal with the here and now….but if they can make it dealing with worse things…I can make it with my battles.  I just gotta shut that little devil voice in my head that whispers such naughty things to me. 

Anyway guys…I think I am going to get some work done.  You guys have a great day.  Much love, Debbie

Ok, this is my second post for today…I was in  a hurry this morning and didnt get everything down.  Here’s the deal…I was really, seriously blessed to have only gained 1 lb for the way I ate this part week. However, today is the start of a new week….I have to get my head on straight and get my focus back.  Sometimes, I feel like I can focus and I seem to have no problem…some weeks..its whatever.  So, here  I sit..thoughts running through my head…I can even remember a time where I was this way….food wasnt a problem…everything seem easier. 

Ok, I want it…i’m going after it this week.  I cant tell you whats gonna happen in two weeks…I am gonna focus on this one. 

I am gonna dismiss the idea of sweets/junk food for this one week.  If i start craving something…I will get outside (some reason this really helps me) or if its too cold…I will sit in here in my computer room…with my water…crank up the music and sing my heart out.  I can organize my computer room. I can play games…I can blog….I can paint my nails.  Anything and everything.  No junk food/sweets for this one week…thats my goal. Most of that is actually in my head and not my stomach doing it anyway….how silly is that!!

I dont have to make water a goal..cause I already drink lots more then suggested thankfully.  However, the salt shaker is a problem area for me….for a while I watched it…but that too has slipped by the wayside.  Time to get that in gear too.  Going back to one shake for my food…and no ..not a 3 minute shake either lol. 

The next goal is mental……come in here and renew my committment to my goals this week. I am going put a list of why I am wanting to lose weight and the actual goal is to come in here and read this list every single day for this week. I am going to post it in here on this blog. 

Reasons why I want to get healthy and lose this weight:

Getting older…40 come my birthday in Nov….my second half of my life…I do not want to have to battle health issues that can be directly linked to being this big.  I have seen my mother suffer through a stroke…I have seen a dear friend and his family deal with the issues surrounding his major stroke…he lives in a nursing home now.  My hubby has been diagnosed as diabetic in May…watching what his blood sugar can do to him is very scary.  So many things can be caused by being seriously overweight. I watch the show….the brookhaven obesity clinic (something like that…could be just brookhaven). Its a show about the lives of the extremely overweigh going to this clinic to try and get thier lives back…literally eating themselves to death if they dont change their ways….which is very sad to me.  I dont want to live the way they do.

This may be vain…but I want to look and feel sexy again. Hubby is great…everyday he tells me how beautiful I am and everything..but, the problem is in my head…I look at my body…sexy or beautiful is the last thing i feel.  Smile here..and there is enough of a bitch in me…I wanna look hot cause of my sister…I wanna look better then her..or at least the best I can because she always tells me how hot everyone thinks she is..etc etc. Always a bit of a game with her…but this is one of the reasons.

Next, oh man…regular sized clothes!!!  I want to wear dresses again..and heels.  Boots too…love boots.  I want regular sizes that I can have more than one or two choices in…no more plus sizes!!  Sick to death of them….most of them are ugly…so I do the jeans/t-shirts…about all i have to wear now.

Most of all…I want the inner me…to match the outer me.  I am a mix of personalities (real surprise there huh lol)…I am quiet sometimes.  I would rather watch people then be involved.  Other times when I am in one of my moods …I am the clown….center of attention…out for fun…and dragging everyone in there with me lol.  The quiet fat girl…yeah thats pretty standard….but i really dont think my outside matches the out for fun…clown part of me–cause thats the part that is also the flirt…(harmless as I am lol).

Anyway, thats the end of this very long blog.  These are just a few of the reasons why I wanna lose weight.  I am working on renewing my strength for this new week.  I know I can do so much better.  So watch out new week…here I come!!  Love Debbie

First of  all guys..thanks for your help. I was a like a woman possessed yesteriday…with the frantic urge to eat.  I dont know what the hell that was. I can ususally tell myself….ok, your looking for balance…so a little bit of whatever you want is ok…but, I know I would have eaten & eaten so I didnt dare touch food.  It passed finally. I turned up my music and sang (made my dogs cry according to my daughter lol) as loud as I could. When it was safe…I fixed supper and ate a regular amount.  Then I went to the store and picked up some new makeup to try…love trying new things and they have such cool things out lol. My daughter loves it when i do that…she gets whatever I dont like. 

Ok, this was my regular weigh in day….and I am thrilled cause I gained 1 lb.  I just knew…without a doubt…I was probably looking at a 3 lb ..maybe up to a 5 lb gain.  I seriously ate that much this past week. So, when that one little pound popped up…I am just tickled with it.  Hey it works for me.

So, today…right now…is where I start focusing on getting back on track. I plan on doing some walking like normal…not like last weeks though.  I am gonna add in some ab  work.  I have posted about adding a full workout to my days…but that hasnt happened. So, start slow I guess lol.  Do my ab workout on the ball…and go back in the evening and do more crunches by themselves on the ball. However, my biggest thing I need to refocus on is my eating.  I have to get right with that again.  So much of this is in our heads-talk about power struggle lol.

Ok, turkey trotters…I only did the 602 minutes for this week. My legs really show a difference…which is cool for only one week. 

I gotta go guys…much love & I will be back to check on you guys.  Love Debbie

Ok, I ended up making my goal of walking 5 miles a day for 5 days. Thats good. However, all week long I have been hungry as a horse. I have been going hog wild over food this week. Yesteriday,  I was going to get back on track…but, didnt…cause again…I ate 2 candy bars!!  I’m having a hard time today cause i’m thinking about all the foods I wanna eat.  Over and over….junk foods..sweets…just all this stuff.  Sighs…I finally ran in here to get away from the kitchen. I wanna go to town and look around cause i’m bored out of my mind…but I am pretty sure I will end up eating something…or even lots of something!  I went over board this week on the food…cause i was hungry…and now its become like an crazed animal running through my head….food-food and more food!!!  Its  like Ok….i was hungry…not today…but all i wanna do is eat.  Anyway….I got to get a hold of myself.  Its almost like…hey you know you blew  it food wise this week..the scale will show that come morning (sunday being my weigh in date). So, my mind is like…ok, why not just go ahead and have whatever i want and worry about taking it off next week!! AHHHHHHHH.  Damn, someone come jar me off this path.  This is absolutely insane  ya’ll.