somemansdream

Hey guys,

Well, last night was one of those nights that hubby really got on my nerves. Bless him, being diabetic and having a sweet tooth is horrible. He has been asking for those darn old cookies on a regular basis, let me tell ya. I got upset cause knowing that cookies are in the house–I’ll want some too. I told him I was trying to lose weight and eating a bunch of cookies would not help me. He brought up the fact I allow one treat a week. Yeah, a single treat, not a whole box. So, when I went to the store, I did not buy any cookies–and I told him that. So, when I came home with just a book and milk, he was like…cooookiiiieeess??? No.

So, I went into the forum last night frustrated and annoyed. Then, I left to go do the dishes. Thats when it hit me, an idea! So, today, I went and bought sugar free ice cream, sugar free chocolate syrup, cherries, sugar free candy, and bananas & whip cream (sugar free too). So, he can either make a sundae or a blizzard. At the most, it can have 14 grams of sugar and thats if he uses that banana (only half). The banana has the most sugar. So, tonight, after supper–I’ll make him and me both happy. He can have his sweet, and I dont have to worry about his blood sugar spiking up cause he just had mega sugar. Yay–a solution to our problems.

Oh my god, are you serious–I just checked Dairy Queens sugar in their blizzards–the ones we normally get are 75 grams of sugar (mine) and up to 104 grams for his. And get this, my favorite one has 980 calories for a medium and 1440 calories for a large.

Yes, I know he asked for cookies, but I promise he will take anything as long as its a sweet lol.

Last night, I wrote a blog about how tired and down I was feeling. I wasnt even planning on writing anything, but I did. Then, I came back and deleted it–the same with the message in the forum.

I will tell you that last night, I came in and read some blogs. You know, its amazing sometimes. How you read a blog and it seems those words were there just for you. That happened last night when I read Loni’s blog. I read it and had tears rolling down my face. I needed that so much. So, Loni–thank you girl for your words, they helped change my attitude.

My attitude was in the trash–I was tired and I just didnt care anymore. I didnt want to do this. Now, my attitude is changed. Maybe I just needed a good cry-who knows. I woke up this morning and ready to tackle this thing once again. If you change your mind, and attitude–this thing gets a little easier. Really, what this amounts to is a decision and following up with action. This is such a mental game–that making your mind up to get it done–and then, it doesnt seem so hard to follow up on it. The good news, is that i’ve noticed once you make one good decision–its easier to follow up with another. Like, deciding to have some water instead of a soda. Or, deciding to have a good lunch that not only is good for you, but that you can be proud of…instead of one that weighs your tummy down, and mentally weigh you down too–with all that….oh, i shouldnt have done that…i’m bad, guilty. (you get the idea).

So, today is a new day with a new attitude. There are so many things that throw our focus off–then we start letting go of the things that need to be done for us. Yet, by turning our focus back to us, we are able to handle things better. Dont have time to walk–really, but you can watch tv for 2 hours. Or,(gives an evil smile) you can sit here on the computer 2 or 3 hours a day. Even a 15 minute walk (one mile for me) boosts my mood and I feel better. I’m worth at least 15 minutes–how about you??

I’m just a bit frustrated & depressed right now. I hate money troubles. Knowing whats ahead and wondering just how in the hell your supposed to make it work. I’ll sit there for 2 hours doing a budget–getting things lined up. Then, when the time comes…either something has come up or I forgot to put something in. In the times like they are right now, I know i’m not the only one feeling the stress. I know there are ways we have been blessed and I have to remember that. For those of you who are reading this thinking, oh yeah…I know the stress and worry this can bring–sending prayers out for you guys. Hugs.

Hey guys–what’s up? I’m in a great mood (during pms too–holy cow lmao). Usually Sundays are our lazy day where we dont do much. However, at lunch time, I had my sandiwich and some chips–but those darn things tasted so good I went back for seconds on them. I realized what I was doing…so, I decided…ok, you did that, now its time to get up and move. So, I went and tackled something that was needing to be done. I raked my entire front yard. Hauled it all off to my dumpster. Then, I cleaned out the foutain and the flower bed. Theres another flower bed needing to be cleaned but its starting to get dark. My forearms are pretty sore anyway. However, I looked over my yard–and even though, in a week you probably wont be able to tell I  did anything–I feel good about having it done. Plus, I know I burned some much needed calories lol.

Also, I got hubby to cook supper. Grilled food is my absolute favorite. Its definitely something I dont have to salt cause its got plenty of flavor–a big plus all the way around for me lol.

Some of you might remember, I blogged about my hubby–he had gained 8 lbs in one week–on his diabetic diet. It was quite a shocker for him. I guess he must of gotta a hold of some salt in some food or something (he doesnt salt his food)…cause this week–its all gone-the entire 8 lbs. Yayyyy!

Guys–I’m sitting here pretty happy. See, I wrote last week about how concerned I was about my sister. She came by last week and I have never seen her look so bad. I’m not making fun of her–but she didnt even have a neck–just fat hanging down to her chest. So, she ended up taking in a family friend who it turns out is diabetic. Well, we have been sharing all the information we have with her on the diet part. Guess what, she says that everyone is doing that diet…not just the friend. Its gonna do all of them a world of good–especially if they stick with it long term. Its hard, I wont lie…the portion sizes seem so tiny. Anyway, I could just get up and dance. I hope they do stick with it.

Plus, my hubby has a very sweet sister. She is very big. I wouldnt even hazzard a guess. Anyway, we have talked quite a few times about trying to lose weight and stuff. Her doctor tried to put her on weight watchers and the whole 9 yards. She has told us both (hubby and I) that she has given up all hope. So, we get a phone call–they (brandys sister and her hubby) went and got a wii fit–and they are now watching their diets. She has lost 2 lbs this last week.

Wow, is that freaking awesome or what!!! I’m  super excited for both of them. This is hard. It can be a real battle at times. Yet, we all know that it is very well worth the effort. For so many of us, its not about looking good (though that helps lol) but its about trying to reclaim our health. So, yayyyyyyyy…i’m a happy camper. I will do whatever I can to encourage all of them.

Hey guys, how are ya’ll doing?

Well, its been a good day for me all the way around. PMS was nice enough to wait and not steal my loss this week-I always gain when pms comes near. So, I got to keep my 2 lb loss–yay!

Also, today I decided to drive over to another city (I live in small town, nothing here lol) and look for pretties for my room. So, I was having  some trouble with the prices–wow, high. However, in the end–everything I bought fell into their 50% off sale. Heck yeah. I got flowers, candles, mirrors, shelves, greenery.  So, i’m a pretty happy on that.

Hubby ended up going with me. We ate lunch before the shopping. About an hour before we left-my stomach was growling at me. I couldnt believe it–we just ate before getting to the store. I told hubby. He was like–I think the 500 miles we have walked is probably why we are hungry again. lol We were there at that store a long time…2 1/2 or 3 1/2 hours–and walked over that store many times. Both times we ate though–I ate just enough to make me happy–not quite full but dont too full either. Today is also the day we normally do treats. Once a week we have something. If that helps hubby stay on track–then i’m all for 1 indulgence. It helps me too i’m sure. This time and last time–I only had half of my treat. Looking more carefully at what it takes to make me happy and not just shoveling it down without even tasting it.

Oh, and boosters. This morning I started sending them out but had to stop in order to get ready to leave–finish them up in a little while.

Oh, and for those of you who helped me with the salt thing, gonna try the tips I got. (I did good on salt today! Yay) Thanks  for the help.

I’m off to play a game and relax–have fun guys.

Yep, its true, I have a very bad habit. I will watch it for a bit, and do good–then it comes back like it never left. Ugh. I would like to be able to kick this habit once and for all.  I have a bad salt habit. I dont cook with it, however, I use lots of it on my food after cooking it. Basically, it pretty much came down to 3 tips for my online search—read labels, use spices or herbs and limit eating out. I dont know if anyone has anything different….but surely, I’m not the only person that wants to ditch this habit. So, any tips or suggestions really would be welcome. I’m tired of doing ok for a while and then bam—here we go again trying to beat this. Thanks guys!!

I can always tell when pms is coming. It turns a normal, rational person into a mean old bitch. I find myself getting annoyed, seriously annoyed, at the smallest things. Things that normally I wouldnt think twice about.  Half of me is thinking…its ok, just go about your business–its just hormones. I have yet to find that saying those words actually help me. Cause, the other half of me is wanting to rant and rave and be mean.

If your like me, during this time of month, having your hubby ask…need chocolate is either greeted one of two ways—No, i’m fine and i’m gonna bite your head off for asking that–what you want me to gain more weight–thanks for the help. Then, there are the times, I’m really fine, and all I can say is thanks baby, i’m good. And, I calmly go about my business without killing him. However, there have been times when at the time he asks if I need chocolate…and I do the happy, i’m ok thanks baby–and hours later…it hits me. I want Chocolate and I want it now!!  However, being a stubborn witch…I wont go get any now cause I told hubby I was fine and proceed to lock myself in my computer room cause i’m having a fit.

Welcome to my world of pms. However, todays annoyances have nothing to do with hubby or chocolate. (for now). Todays attitude is about the phone. We changed our number a few months ago to keep it private. Ok. I’m getting calls from recordings. Now, I’m getting cause from collection places (this is assumed) looking for different family members. Hello, did we change our number so you can have your bill collectors calling us–I think not. Enough said.

I wished this could be a happy time. Pms would be so much nicer. Then, the thoughts of killing those that annoy me would go away. All I can say, it would take one heck of a medicine to make pms nice for me lol.

I normally go through the whole–i’m pissed at the world– and stuff during pms. Some of you have asked if i’m on the pill. Yes, I am. When I get to my wonderful (yes sarcasm) yearly exam….I may have to talk to my doc about being so tempermental. I also tend to get really bad cramps. Who knows, he may be able to do something for me. I have a while to go though before that time comes for that doc visit.

Well, time to cook supper and i’m starving….see ya later guys.

This is my second blog today. Boy, talk about those highs and lows. But, first–thank you guys for the love and support you show me. I just cant thank you enough for helping me through these times.

First, I got a letter from my son–the one I was so worried about earlier. He sounds ok, just hates where he’s at. Well, no kidding. I’m ok with that. However, he said nothing about being jumped. It could have happened after he wrote, or he may not want me to know. I know he’s gonna have to deal with whatever comes his way in there. Sighs. JC thought there was a 30 day wait for visits but found out there isnt after all. But frankly, I dont want to see him if he’s beat up. I would cry.

Hubby almost made me  cry. In a good way though. He spoils me rotten. You guys know i’m working on that room right. Well, we were talking about that trim we are buying this weekend. Well, he came up with replacing the light in there. The one that is in there sucks. He found a real pretty one but i’m not paying $40 for a light. He said he would get it for me. Plus, I told him that I really wished that we had enough money for carpet in there. It has hardwood floors but they are rough shape. So, yep, you guessed it. He told me he knows where he can get me some new carpet—he’s pretty sure there is enough to fit that room. Anyone say awwww.

So, for the last couple of paydays…been saving a little money here and there of my own. So, I told him I wanted to go to walmart and look for pretties to decorate my room in. They didnt have anything. I told him, I know where I can get the stuff–but its in another city and would take about $10 or $15 round trip. He was like, I know we can come up with enough money for that. So, if all goes well…this weekend I will drive up there and go looking for pretties. I was thinking of plants (not real ones as they get too hot/cold in that room–been there, done that lol). I can see that dark green against that peach color—ohhh pretty! lol.

Oh, and i’ve been bad today. Ate out for lunch and dinner. I didnt eat all my food either time though. Actually, my tummy is starting to growl a bit but really, i’m just in a disgusted phase with food. You know, hungry but dont want anything, nothing sounds good–the blahs. Hubby is trying to be really bad–saying that C word again….cookies. I’m saying the N word—no, and NO. lol.

Anyway, some upsets and then some happy little moments–normal days you know.

I got a call from my sister this morning–telling me my daughter had news that she needed to tell me-that she was crying over last night. That they would be coming by this morning. Of course, I sat there worrying every since I got that call.  So, they came by. I understand why my daughter didnt want to tell me. She has seen how hard this has been for me-bless her. The news was that my son got jumped in jail. He’s beat up but ok I guess. I got the news yesteriday that they moved him to another unit. I dont know if its related.

Part of me wants to cry. There’s nothing I can do though. So, I’m hanging in there. The tears would be wasted. There is nothing I can do for him. I cant even see or call him for 30 days. Sighs. Its very hard being a mom sometimes.

I also need to do a budget. I dont want to. Its useless work as something always comes along and changes it.

My sister came by with my daughter. She looks so bad guys. She’s always been heavy like me. I think this is the heaviest I’ve seen her (she’s been up near 300 before). However, looking at her today. She has no neck–its fat from her face down to her chest. She has health problems. Another worry that I cant do nothing about. She’s not interested in losing weight. Unless of course, she is telling me she suddenly dropped 20 lbs by doing nothing. Lies to competite with me. There is no competition though. Whatever.

Ok, gotta get busy. Sorry about the down blogs guys, as the last couple have been. I’m really hanging in there–this is just my way of trying to ease my worries.  I’m tired of worries–I know theres good stuff though.

Good news is that the scale is down again for the second time this week. I”m keeping an eye on it because pms is fixing to start–weigh in is saturday and i’m watching for water weight. Its not much each time, but I’ll darn sure take it. Hoping when weigh in comes Saturday–i’ll still be able to claim it. However, by knowing what i’ve lost–keep me on track mentally instead of giving in to a “dont give a crap” attitude about weight loss.

I’m wondering if maybe I need a happy pill for this time of month, and its not even officially here yet. Yesteriday, I should have known something was up. I was reading a book, and had tears rolling down my face at the story (and it wasnt even that sad). Today, its been up and down. I was happy to see a loss this morning, sad to realize it will probably be gone by weigh in time thanks to pms. Happy with the work I did on my room today. Very upset when hubby called and told me to bring meds, bandages and stuff cause he had a little accident. (see last blog for more information). After that, I came home–I had skipped lunch. Felt that urge to eat and eat. So, I fixed 2 bags of microwave popcorn–sat there shoveling in my mouth, fast and furious. I only had 1/2 of it, which was one bag approximately. Sad that I resorted to that–feeling like i’m gonna be a fat girl forever. Glad it was popcorn though, not my old standbys for binging. It was about 100 calories instead of a lot worse. Then, as I was feeling blue–got a call from my sister. Found out they moved my son to another unit, and though he’s still in the same city–gonna have to wait to hear from him before I can write again. Dont know if he even got my last two letters. All this info came from my sister–shrugs, dont know if its right or not. (my nieces boyfriend was in jail with him, supposedly the day he got out, my son got transferred).

You ever get tired of dealing with all the stuff that comes at you. Thats the way i’m feeling. However, its not like I have much choice in the matter right. Its also irrating to know that if it wasnt close time for pms, I wouldnt be having these ups and downs like this.

I didnt even cook supper tonight. We went out to eat. I didnt even care (in regards to weight). However, I feel I did really good. Small portions much to my surprise. Still a little bit hungry, but not enough to eat something right now.

Anyway, sighs…I’m just trying to unload in here rather then keeping things bottled up inside. Hopefully, tomarrow will come and I’ll be happy again.

Oh, and for those that read my blog about being spoiled rotten. (smiles) I told hubby about it and some of the comments you guys made about how I should tell him that I really appreciate him. That put a smile on his face.