somemansdream

That is what the last couple of days has been like. I got my financial aid from school yesteriday. So, yesteriday and today taking care of things.

First, I got hearing aids…and they work. I did go the more expensive route which was to buy them at walmart rather than online. However, I was able to get in the ear ones rather than ones that sit on top. I have had both and dislike the ones that sit on the ear for a various reasons. Anyway, this is the first time in like 5 years that I can really hear again. It does take some getting used to though.

Next I took Freckles to the vet to check on her leg which she would limp on and off again. Got medicine for that, got her shots and heart worm preventative (she was negative for the blood test-yay). Plus, come Wednesday, she will be getting fixed. Almost all month long we have been playing this switch rooms and dogs to keep the male away from Freckles. I am so ready not to have to worry about it! But the trip itself was an “adventure”. She refused to walk most of the time, she growled at everyone and everything, peed on the table twice etc etc. She was terrified is what it amounts to. By time we were done, I felt like I went 4 rounds in a wrestling match–I was hot, sweating like a pig and exhausted. Plan is to give it a few days for the meds and we are going back to doggy training. That includes going out the front door–walking in the park etc to get her used to the outside world. She has not left this house or even gone to the front yard since we adopted her and so it stands to reason that she reacted in fear yesteriday.

Printer, well, not having as much luck. Mine died the other day & I have to have it for school. I had one in mind but of course walmart was out of those. Brandy was like, lets look online for one that matches this ton of ink we have for our old printer. Ha ha ha–they want $900 for a new one that matches or $200-300 for used. Ugh, no thanks! I’ll go back to walmart later.

Brandy’s financial aid is on its way too. Soon my baby will have new glasses. He is getting some sort of coating on them that reduces glare and where the adjust to the lighting. So, I figure that takes care of his check lol.

But to have these real needs taken care of is a weight off our shoulders.

I did not weigh in this week. I had two days earlier in the week that I binged. It was pretty bad. I think worries lead to that binge. So, no weigh in this week. I know it was bad and dont need the scale to kick me while i’m down. But, moving on….

Thanks for listening to my rambling..:)

I was a bit surprised by what Brandy had to say whenever he came home. His boss wanted him to kind of give me a heads-up….be thinking about it…type deal. His wife has cancer and is currently in a nursing home as she needs around the clock care. He told Brandy to ask me if I would be interested in being his business manager if the need arose (if his wife gets worse). I would be able to work at home, set my own hours and all that. He is going to check into what a business manager runs as far as pay. This is what I am going to school for so while I dont want his wife to get worse, it would give me much needed practical experience. I told Brandy to tell him yes but that he needs to understand that I am not a professional at it. Anyway, something in the future maybe.

I’m getting school money (by the end of the week I hope–fingers crossed lol) and one of those “unimportant” things I will be doing with it is getting 2 hearing aids. The deal is that I want to look for a job after I get those in to help out with our tiny little budget.

Wish me luck

Hey guys,

I don’t know if it is my age, personality or what. I find it truely amazing the lengths people will go through in order to avoid doing something that they think will make others stare at them or if they think people will be thinking about them because they are out there doing it. (Blog is coming from discussion I had last night with Jame’s girlfriend (son) and from schoolwork topics.) First, most people are so caught up in their own thoughts that even if they look at you–they are probably not truely looking at you. Second, if someone has a negative thought if your out there in shorts and tank walking, jogging or whatever–really who cares? It is a fleeting moment in time, that person means  nothing to you–if they want to be mean, that is their issue-not yours. My personal opinion is screw them if they dont like it. It’s hot here in Texas–I refuse to wear pants instead of shorts and t-shirts instead of tanks because i’m fat–dont look if it hurts your eyes-it is that simple. But frankly, I am either enjoying my music and the walk to care what someone thinks. Or, I am just loving the feeling of being outside on a beautiful day and plan on making the most of it. As far as I know, no one has said anything bad to me or given me dirty looks for it either. But more than anything–I’m out there for me, no one else. I am not giving people I do not know power over me to curb my activities. I do not waste space in my head wondering if someone out there is thinking bad thoughts about me. I do what I am there to do and then move on to the rest of the day.

In school we are studying how people will cave if they are met with resistance verbally or not. Subtle or not so subtle pressure that people will apply to get the rest of the group to conform to their way of thinking. It is amazing how strong the drive is to fit in and not make waves.

Well, i’ve rambled on long enough. Have a wonderful day everyone.

I am writing not to whine or dramatize things in my mind, but rather just record them. Yesteriday was exhausting for me. No sleeping pills means that I have a really bad time trying to sleep. I got my cd in this week for sleep and it helped the first night but it takes me a little time to get with it and for my mind to respond. I do love it..it has beach sounds–yay! I find that very relaxing. Anyway, so I know I’m going to have days where I feel like i’m running on empty–but I look at it as a training day. Trying to train my mind to let my body sleep without pills. So, two energy shots and by 5 pm and I was totally ready for bed. I had class at 8 and left feeling frustrated and upset. I ate 2 honey buns in an attempt to get energy for class. I bought a soda which I did not drink but a few drinks, its in the icebox. Then my son brought me my favorite blizzard and yes I ate it. Enjoyed it too though I didnt eat all of it.

Add in to all of this, is that I am having cramps and really bad backaches all week and pms is not due to start until tomorrow. Oh boy.

So, along with all of this, Brandy (hubby) had to go back to work at 10 pm last night. I tried to wait up but caved in at 12. I went to bed, doze and jerk awake trying to keep an ear out for him to get home. I was worried, he was already so tired. He came to bed at 2 am. He fell asleep in the chair for a bit..but he didnt get home until after 1 am anyway. He was up and gone for work at 7:30 (and I was up too). I laid back down and slept a few minutes but was up and dressed by 8 am.

My hopes for the day. For Brandy to come home safe and sound. For it to be a quiet day, easy to handle type day.

I am urging everyone to go to wikipedia.com and read about the Senate 968
“protect IP Act” & H.R. 3261 Stop Online Piracy Act”. In there you will read how wikipedia and craigslist.com (probably more) have already been banned from us reading them right now. There is a list of website fighting this-including Facebook. Go to wikipedia, type in your zip..and it will give you your representative to contact. Find their homepage and email them!! I did.

It is up to me if I want to go to the site, not the government. I have used facebook, linkedin, craigslist etc and those sites are fighting for a reason. This is absolute crap what they are trying to pull. I am not politically inclined for many reasons but sometimes we have to step up and tell the government..NO!

There it is, my degree. I’m so excited (as you can tell). It took a long time to get it and I am so happy I got this today.

First, let me say thanks for all the support on yesteriday’s blog. I was expecting a difference in scales but I wasn’t expecting that much! I came in here stunned. Anyway, the kind words and support really helps. You guys are awesome.

So, I gave myself yesteriday to be upset, to be depressed over the whole thing. I wasn’t going to waste any more time than that. Today is the start for action. I bought an alarm clock yesteriday and will be getting up early every day in order to workout. I find that routine really helps with my ability to keep things going. Plus, this summer will be hot as hell as usual and early in the morning is the best workout time. Layers upon layers this time guys—working on  success one step at a time.

I will have to say I fought with myself all day yesteriday–pepsi..pepsi…I want a pepsi. Only thing is that I’m not drinking sodas any more. I got through it though. I knew it was just because I was upset. I kept arguing with myself..tea is fine, water is fine. lol.

Well that’s it guys. I gotta go take my shower. Have a wonderful day.

Okay, trying really hard not to dramatize this even though my poor little brain is freaking out. I decided to buy a new scale…one with body fat, water and bone mass as well as weight. I have a dial scale and it can vary do to where you stand, my shaking, and its hard to read the numbers. So, I decided to have the tools I need to succeed and that means a new scale. OMG, I never dreamed. My old scale says 230’s…about the 235 mark but under 240. The new scale….296.3 lbs. You read that right and it gave me the same number twice. Damn.

See I have trust issues with scales anyway. It is hard to believe I weigh 230s when I cant get into my 18s. I had to buy pants that are 24’s in order to have something to wear. At my heaviest I wore 26s…and I was about 290s to 306lbs.

So, slightly freaking out. It doesnt change anything other than I plan working harder now. I will not do this…I will not spend another year at 300 lbs. At least I know now and can move forward…as soon as I catch my breath. Sighs.

Hey guys,

Just thought I would write and catch up on things. I maintained this week and I am fine with that.

Some of you know that I am doing things a bit strangely this time around. My first and foremost goal was to get off the sleeping pills and stay off! Next was to cut down on the 5 hr energy shots. First goal is good the second hasnt come to pass yet. I have reduced the numbers so I guess that counts for something. I cant run around exhausted mentally and physically while going to class. Gotta create that balance there.

Now is time to build upon my other work. No more sodas, period. I drastically reduced the numbers for what–a couple of weeks now. Now it is time to say goodbye. One other step is exercise. I have not added this one because I wanted some other things under my belt first. Well, okay. My mind has been thinking about it and I think i’m ready. I got all kinds of workout dvds, weights, ball and bands so i’m good.

Thinking about doing before and after pictures from where I’m at now since I never seem to feel like I’ve lost weight or really believe the scale is down as far as it says it is. Mind thing I guess–but pictures will be proof.

Be good guys and get out there and chase those dreams with all you got. It is not going to hunt you down and say, here I am, your dream so embrace me. Nope, not that easy. You have to stalk it and make plans for the capture!

First a thanks to all that helped on my last blog. I did email my teacher about the suggestions but have not heard back yet.

Now, I noticed today that my mood is low, feeling depressed. While I got some schoolwork done, I have not done anything else. I know that when I’m like this and people insist on crowding me, I get pissed off. All I want to be is left alone. Tonight, that doesnt seem to be an option. My ass cant hit the chair without hearing the words…honey…debbie. Deep sighs. Now, I know this is all me. No one is doing anything that hasnt been done a million and one times before. Maybe its because pms is next week and that has me  all out of sorts or its just lack of good sleep last night. I just feel on the edge…feel like just a few more times of …honeyyyy …debbieeee…and snap..there I go.