somemansdream

Hey guys…hope everyone is doing ok today.

Talk about yo-yo…that is what my mind is doing today…up/down…negative/positive.  Today, I was putting on makeup…and thought..my skin doesn’t look too bad today…then I smiled and wow…I looked like a wrinkled hag…damn that sucks.  I know I will be 40 this year..but do I have to look 55?  Ok, started working on my hair…which some of you guys know that I wasnt too happy with the cut I got a couple of weeks ago.  I cant figure it out….it just seems off …you know…not quite like it should be…makes it look goofy.  Well, I was decided I was going to take a pic and post it…those didnt make me happy.  I look stoned in most of them…rolls eyes.  The pics turned out goofy looking so I decided to just put the camera up.  Messed with my hair some more….awwwwww….what is it with this…decided I’m just goofy looking …turned away from the mirror…I give up.  Maybe I just need plastic surgery to fix it…wrinkles…sags..double chin…bad haircut…..forget it. 

Ok…I’m done….no more knocking myself to the ground….its just….I know what I see when I  look in the mirror.  For so many years I avoided mirrors like they would eat me.  Now, I look in them ….wishing I could change all that stuff…ok…I said enough..thats it…gotta go find some music to get my mind off my looks or lack off….

This morning started off so good….still good …BUT….yeah that big ugly But…..ALL afternoon I have been craving something sweet..I dont have anything in the house.  I did go to the store earlier but refused to buy anything sweet.  I was looking at the power bars….or protein bars…snack bars…whatever they are called.  I like to keep my snacks 200 and under…I wasnt really surprised to see those bars with more calories then that…plus, its like 12 or more grams of sugar…like hey…if we promise you protein…will you fall for high calories..with lots of sugar?? 

So instead…i bought a package of beef jerky….with 80 calories..low fat…1.5 grams or something…dont remember exactly.  Guess what..no surprise….my body doesnt want jerky….I ate a few pieces and my body is going….HEY is that what we asked for?  I stopped at another store after dropping my daughter off….got 5 pieces of gum…thinking…hey good idea..few calories a piece….little bit sweet.. I got that same damn message that it gave me earlier….NOT interested! 

I have thought about past blogs that I have written about not letting the senses steal pieces of my dream away (wanting sweets and adding calories .. while trying to lose weight).  I wrote this morning and said not to let anyone get in the way of doing what needs to be done…when faced with temptation…think about all those negative things people have said that has hurt.   That last one has helped a bit….cause as bitchy as this sounds…..I want to rub into my sisters nose by looking good…and thinking…..I did it and I’m keeping it off…so BITE me.

So, here it is…early in the evening…that last bit has helped me stop thinking about the sweet itself.  I do allow myself 2 sweets….cause PMS is right around the corner (we all remember how much fun that is dont we lol) and I want to use my treats then.  So, what am I gonna do….I think I will enjoy this day that is cooler than normal….and go for a nice walk.

See ya guys later.  Oh and by the way…to those of you commented on my blog this morning…..ya’ll sure know how to make a girl feel good.  THANK YOU!

Love Always, Debbie

Hey buddies….how is the world treating ya’ll? 

Well, I had the highest number of weight loss for the week that I have ever had.  4 lbs gone.  I am not sure why though.  I will take it though lol.  I am kind of conflicted on this as crazy as it sounds.  Part of me is happy to have as much of this fat gone as possible.  The other part of me says not to lose this weight too fast…dont want saggy skin or old habits to come back and bite me in the butt!  I cant stress about it though, why harm myself and send myself into a fit.  There was also a part of me that says….just 4 lbs…damn wanted more.  I have to rein in that kind of thinking and in a hurry.  My mind is sure having some fun with me this morning lol. 

Hey guys…just remember that today starts a new week.   I know so many have been beating themselves up for falling off the wagon….stop it! What’s done is done…there’s no going back cause you cant change the past….but YOU have the control of today. 

One thing that I think that we overlook is stopping and taking some joy from the day.  We have our weight loss plans all laid out….calories…exercises.  Then for most of us, there are other things…..taking care of kids or family….oh look…laundry needs to be done.  Oh, I forgot to mail those bills darn it.  Wait…man these floors need to be scrubbed!  Spinning and spinning that mind goes…trying to cover everything that needs to be done.  Slow down for a minute…..its ok….the world wont end I promise.  Take a minute for yourself….what do you like to do…..reading a story….sitting outside in the breeze for a minute…whatever it is….take a few minutes to do this for yourself.  It helps bring balance not only to your mind….but it eases the heart too.  

So, whats this week gonna bring ya?  Are you going to take this day that we are blessed with to take a step towards your goals?  Are you going to take this day and bring a little joy to your heart?  I hope all of you guys do something just for you.  I hope that you each have  a step forward in your weight loss goals.  I hope that this is  the week….that you rock it.  That you can look back on this week with a big smile and think….oh yeah….this feels so good…go me!

One other thing…..someone hurt my feels pretty good as most of you know when I did my last weigh in.  I called for support and got slapped down, I felt.  Even though I pretty much know that reaction came from jealousy (yeah be jealous….this is work…not something given freely as all of you know).  So be jealous that I am out there….looking and trying new workouts while your butt is sitting there doing nothing.  Be jealous when I am sitting there with my food of smaller portions and your eating thousands of calories in one meal.  Be jealous each time I drink water or my tea with less calories then normal…or my diet soda while you drink your full fat/high calorie drinks.  Be jealous cause this time I AM going to make it and there is nothing that is going to stop me.  If even I get derailed for a day or two….you better damn well bet my butt will get back on for that ride again.  I will make it this time…without her support….cause I have my wonderful hubby behind me…my daughter is behind me….and I have some of the best people around to cheer me on right here.  I am not alone. 

I know I’m not alone in having this problem either….family or friends or sometimes even strangers do something that burns us.  Yeah, this hurts…don’t let them get to you….use this for your good.  Every negative comment someone has said….use that as energy to work out…or steady your resolve when faced with that ice box.  Take a deep breath and smile….cause …your gonna rock it!!

Dont forget to start this week in a positive frame of mind. 

Kind of rambling around this time around….so if you stuck with me…thanks!  Alright buddies….everyone ready….lets go out there and ROCK IT!  Brand new week….arent you excited…yes!!   Go Go Go!!

You know…I have been here for a few months.  I love this place and more importantly…I love you guys.  Along with all this goodness…has shown me something ugly about myself.  I love reading blogs and try to comment when I can.  Yet, this ugly side of me has shown up…I dont take the people on here that  have 10-25 lbs to lose seriously…I dont discount their problems…but, I dont take it seriously.  Somewhere along the way, I guess I got the mentality that you dont have hugh amounts of weight to lose…then how hard could it be?

I want to say that now that I have caught myself thinking this…I really am sorry.  Cause sometimes I wont even comment on someone’s blog that only has those few pounds to lose.  I guess I thought maybe their struggles werent real….cause when your my weight….you would do just about anything to be under that 200 lb mark…and these ladies are putting themselves down for their weight…and i want to scream at them and tell them….I want to be in your shoes!!  I feel that they have it sooo good.   They havent damaged themselves the way I have.

Slowly over time, this thinking has come to light and its now time to say “I’m sorry”.  I realize that now, I have no right to judge.  While I dont know what it feels like to be just 10 or 25 lbs overweight…..we have the same struggle to overcome.  The pain we inflict on ourselves…beating ourselves up….body issues, & the struggles to control food or exercise…it dont matter…same for someone thats 100 plus pounds to lose like me…or 10 lbs like some of you.  I am ashamed of what has come to light. 

Sighs, I will be watching myself for this and I know that I can improve on this problem I have.  I hate to think I was so selfish and shallow.  I hope ya’ll can forgive me. 

Debbie

Hey buddies…

I hope today finds all of you doing well. Last night, I saw something that has apparently sparked my mind. I went into a store and saw this wooden piggy bank….it had  a saying on there….it talked about saving for your dreams.

I have been thinking about that. Saving is a lot like losing weight…it can be really tough to do.  Yet, both of these things have reflection of what goes on in our heads.  Put some change in that dream bank…is like putting steps into place to lose weight.  Each and individual piece you put in that bank…really doesn’t mean that much by itself…but, let it build over time and effort…and then something amazing happens….you can actually start believing in the reality of your dreams…cause you can see the results.  Isn’t that the sweetest thing ever!  Your piggy bank starts filling up with all these coins…and each step in your weight loss will lead you to your dreams of a healthier you, a more beautiful you (though how that is possible I dont know…cause ya’ll are some the most beautiful people I have ever seen), and a slimmer you.  Sweet success.

Yet, what happens if you never pick up that bank for your dreams….what if you walk away from taking steps to the You that you dream of? It remains empty forever, and you stay unhappy with your body….you damage your heart and soul with all the bad things you tell yourself.  You cry from so much unhappiness.  You look in the mirror, and those nasty thoughts pop into your mind…and the damage heads straight to your bruised heart. 

Is it easy…to save or to lose weight?   No, not for most of us…and certainly it doesnt seem that way for me and all my buddies here.   There are going to be times when we want to rob the bank and go crazy.  Yet, what are we really taking…..your stealing a piece of your dream….just flittering it away….tiny piece by tiny piece.  If you say to yourself….hey, would I take this money and have fun….this money you have struggled over time to put drop by drop into this bank…….would I exchange it for my dream?   Is this money that i’m gonna use for movies..worth the price of my dream?  Never….cause if your dreams where so cheap and easy…..it would be something you could get without much effort….most dreams are so much bigger….thats why its a dream.  It is the exact same thing with weight loss……oh, I just want one piece of this as a treat….after working so hard this week….sit down and eat the Whole thing…..you stealing your own dream away.  Letting our senses say…hey, this looks good…how about a little….their goes a piece at that time….what about later that week….there goes another piece of your dream.  The most important dream is being torn into pieces and tossed aside.

That one little bank with that saying about saving for dreams has made me thing of all these things….isn’t  that amazing.  Something I  caught sight of by mere chance. 

One more thing about this before I forget.  You know, if you decide to walk away from your dreams….cause you dont want to do this anymore…that is one thing.  However, if family and friends …or even that stranger that you passed on the street tries to take a piece of it….fight for it….its not theirs….you can only let them take it if You hand it over….if you give them that power.  All the negativity people try to toss your way (for so many different reasons)….it may sting…but just try to let it bounce off of you as fast as you can….and you HOLD onto the fact…that you have this awesome…powerful dream.  Let that be your comfort.

God bless ya’ll …hope I didnt bore ya to death…lol….just thoughts running through my head. 

I wrote a blog this morning sharing my good news about reaching mini goal and losing a total of 22 lbs.  I texted my sister to share my good news and her response was ..yeah but are you going to keep it off.  What a bitchy remark…I expected hey good job..or something.  I told her thats what I thought of  her remark too.  So, I am totally pissed right now…..i need to find a way to chill….NOT letting her ruin my day…to hell with her!!!!!!!!!!!

I’m so excited…I can’t hardly sit still!!!!!!  I stepped on that scale this morning and it said 275!!!!!!!!!!  My mini goal and a 22 lb loss together!!  I havent weighed this in many years.  I am so shocked lol.  I have been doing a little jogging with my walking just to help keep my puppy in line when walking cause he still pulls and I guess it shocked my poor body something fierce….3 lb loss!  I also have amped up my water.  Combine all that with summer cleaning from floor to ceiling….I did it!! Dancing, i’m dancing…i’m so happy!!!!! 

Ok everyone..my last blog was a challenge to everyone.  Today, I just wanted to share something with you.  I have the billy blanks motivational cds….if you can afford it….go buy a set of cds that will help your mind and keep you going.  I dont care if its billy blanks or someone else.  Just choose someone that can inspire you.  You never know when they have some new ideas that will get you going and keep you going.  The cds I have are awesome…I plan on listening to them over and over til I can almost hear what he would tell me in a situation.  I think since we struggle so hard on this weight loss journey…that having the extra tools at hand are only going to help us!  Try checking out the library and see if they have any if money is tight for you.  See if there any free downloads for this.  Good luck guys!!!!

Love Debbie

Alright everyone…it is another week…and I have great news for ya…..what you did last week doesnt matter….its dead and gone..no regrets now ya’ll…its too late for that.  But, now you have a wonderful gift…a brand new week!  This is the week to get out there and get moving!  I dont care if your doing a daily routine…or decided to scrub your house down….wash your car…whatever….just get off the couch…shut down that computer and get your butt in gear.  I have been sitting around here, moody & blue…for a couple of weeks now….and what has it gotten me…NOTHING!  I have been whining to myself…I have no motivation (that darn word again)….like who cares…motivation flitters away on the slightest wind…and there it goes…bye bye.  Do you wanna give up?  (not me)  Do you wanna gain them pounds back that you’ve lost (hell no!) I have said it before and I will say it again…..half of this battle is a mind game.  Who is gonna win it???  I wanna know that you guys are out there…..working out….or working around the house….and feeling proud of yourself cause you made it another day!!  Oh no…what’s that you say….you had a piece of candy..or a piece of cake…..well I’m not calling out the army after ya girls (guys too)!!  I promise it will be ok….this game is all about moderation!!  So come on everyone….jump in!  The only thing you have to lose is weight!  Oh, and too all of those of you that are working so hard….exercising like mad….eating ever so careful and still that damn old scale is staring at you going…ha ha…same number.  Take that scale and put it away…..maybe take 1 day off (isnt that a shocker lol!).  Most of all….dont you dare give up….no ..no …not a choice! Alright my buddies…..this is a challenge for ya….tell me what your gonna DO  in response to this blog….even if the response is kiss my butt….I wanna know!!! lol.  Good luck buddies…looking forward to hearing from all of you!

Love Debbie

Well today was another day.  This morning I went looking for jeans to wear…and tried on the 26’s…nope…too big…be pulling them up all day.  I guess my 24’s were hiding or something.  So, I picked up my 22’s…the same ones that I didnt even close to being able to wear last month…and I thought…you wish.  Tried them anyway…and much to my shock…they fit good…not tight or anything…I was like wow. 

I planned on a day out for me….my daughter wanted to go and then my hubby.  So, now I sit here moody and feeling down.  I did get my hair cut like I planned…that girl was like…are you sure you want to do this….your gonna lose a lot of length.  Told her yeah…my hair grows fast so its no big deal.  I like it…but I need to blow dry it my way and fix it….may need a little training.  I also bought me a bunch of books…avid reader..so thats good.  I keep telling myself to lighten up ..that’s it been a good day.  I keep telling myself its bitchy to feel this way….I really wanted to go alone.  Also, part of me is a little frustrated with hubby.  I tell myself not to be…great guy and if the situation was reversed…I dont think he would care….the problem is….for the last few months….every time we get spending money….he borrows some of mine.  It dont even matter how much we get it seems….seems like something he wants is more than he’s got.  Now, I am not talking a little bit of money…like 50 bucks.  This payday we got $600 a piece and he borrowed some of mine…..& then he got an extra $224 today…I didnt ….and he still borrowed some of my spending money.  I try to tell myself that I shouldnt feel this way….cause I know if I wanted something I didnt have the money for…he would give it to me.  Like in May…I wanted my german sheppard…and he told me…take my spending money and use it for him…though i didnt have to as it ended up.  So, despite it being a good day….I am feeling depressed and sad.  I didnt even want to eat supper tonight….but, I know i cant do that….I didnt even have lunch or breakfast….just 2 slim jims (beef sticks) all day….so skipping supper wasnt going to work.  I ate…but I wasnt even hungry.  It sucks to have to do that.  When I’m down…who cares about eating. 

Anyway…I have done enough whining.  I think this is probably a part of the depression I have been battling a little bit this week.  I will check in with you guys later….

Oh, and by the way…to those who commented on my last blog…you damn near made me cry when I read what ya’ll wrote this morning.  Bless you all.