somemansdream

That is what I have going for me. I’m not letting anything stand in my way of getting rid of these darn pounds i’ve gained. Say goodbye suckers. I’ve already made up my mind. No sweets. No sodas–I’m drinking lots of water and a little bit of tea, plus some sugar free, 0 calorie fruit punch. My meals will  NOT be take out foods. I will be on guard against eating when i’m not hungry–I”ll be watching that like a hawk! Plus, workouts–your my new friend. I’m spreading my walks out throughout the day. I’m gonna aim for at least 4 miles a day (already got 2.12 miles for today). However, my real goal is 5 miles a day. Weight lifting for my upper body–pilates for the lower body and flexibility. I did the pilates yesteriday. Needless to say, my thighs are sore today. Oh well….its time to suck it up and get through it. Its 18 days til my birthday–just a little past 2 weeks. I want to see 3 lbs gone. I say 3–because i’m not sure any weight will be gone for this saturdays weigh in. It darn sure wont be a lack of trying though. I dont really care what the scale says (unless it is down lol)…i’m intent on getting done the things that have to be done. Good meals, not drinking my calories, and working my butt off!

Last night, I had a dream that I was slim and fit. I didnt even notice it til someone in my dream said–you’ve lost a lot of weight! Since I had my shirt tied up–I could see my abs—I looked down in my dream and thought…holy cow!! lmao. Oh, man, would I be happy to look even close to that! I love that dream!!

The fight in on mr scale–and in the end…I will win!!!

Hey guys,

Yep, my second blog today. I’m wanting to eat & eat, and I dont need to. Not hunger, just the desire. So, i’m in here hiding from the kitchen. The little devil in my head is whispering to me. Telling me that after my week, why not have something. Not like the work i’m doing is gonna show up on the scale this week. On and on, whispering those evil things to me. The sensible part of me, says-how dare you! That i’ve worked hard today. Regardless of how much I worked out today, the point is, we have to start some where. It doesnt matter what that scale says–with enough time, it will show off the work i’m putting in. So, battle of good vs bad right now. However, I will let the good win. I’m tired of giving in to the devil–after all, there’s usually hell to pay on weigh in days. Its just not worth it. Especially, in the light of the events that took place last time hubby and I had sex. Oh no…eating that food i’m craving–but not actually hungry for–after that reminder…sure makes it easier to walk away. Its so not worth it. See, blogging made me feel better. I’m gonna go crank up the music and play some games–have a good evening. Remember guys–dont let the evening munchies get you!!!

So, I decided since I cant lift weights with my knee being the way it is, I’ll just pop in my pilates dvd. I forgot how hard this is for me. I am serious. I have heard people say, oh its easy. Easy my ass. This works me harder then just about anything else I do for some reason. I am sitting here after doing 2 sections…10 minute lower body and then a 10 minute flexiblity workout. My muscles were just shaking. Of course, there is some of it I cant do…I either skip it or modify it for me. One of these days, maybe i’ll have the muscles I’ll need to do this without feeling like she’s killing me lol. I would like to get where I can do all 50 minutes in one monster workout.

Ohh, no, I am NOT having this. I got new motivation to get off my butt and work out even more now. See, last night, hubby and I had sex. I noticed something right before we were finished and thought…oh no! Yep, we finished and then it hit me. That tightness and the pain in my chest–I used to say it was like an elephant on my chest. Just so much pressure. Well, last night, it wasnt as bad-I just had to wait til it passed for the pain to ease and to be able to talk again. However, it was bad enough to get my attention and Piss me off! What the hell is that doing showing up?? I’ve lost weight–I’m not back in the 290s or the 300s.

History: back when I was heavier (and a few years ago), that is what started me on my last journey to lose weight. I weighed anywhere from 306 lbs to 290 lbs. When I would have sex–it was some serious pain in my chest. I would have tears rolling down my face and I couldnt talk. It would take about 30 minutes to ease off. So, after 3 times, this girl got the message. Lose weight and quit ignoring it or else. That started the journey. 3 months…solid hard workouts and no sweets, no sodas…good portion control. I lost 45 lbs that way. I got my heart broken–and I stopped caring and of course, gained the weight back. (it wasnt hubby that did it). I will say that back then–I was in better shape though I probably weigh about the same now. It was because of the workouts.

So, to have that show up after all this time–like what the hell? But, if I need motivation–there it is in spades. I refuse to keep going through that when I can do something about it. Looks like the fight is on!

Note: no worries that its my heart guys. I’ve been checked out at different times–its a strong sucker–no problems lol.

Hey guys,

well its the second time i’ve tried to blog today. Earlier I was writing one and it was depressing. Blah, to heck with that. So, been moping around today. However, after I tried to write, decided it was workout time. I knew if I skipped it, I would feel bad. So, I have a new list of workouts–some old, some new ones thrown in there. I did my workout-upper body today–and my muscles just quiver whenever I try to use them now lol. My mood is better too. I decided I cant let my mood/emotions be the ones that tell me–yes, workout or no, dont feel like it. Wont get very far if I depend on my emotions to decide. I do what I have to around the house, feel like it or not, gotta be the same with this too.

Well, not much to say really. Just wanted to touch base with you guys.

This made my day!!! I finally got a letter from my son!! As some of you know that i’ve been really worried about him. They picked him up friday (not wed. like we thought) and he was taken to the state jail. It is a couple of hours away, which isnt too bad. I knew they wouldnt let him be too close as they consider it a flight risk to be near where family lives. Its a 2 hour visit instead of 30 minutes—but we have to wait 30 days. I’m just so happy to get that letter! Anyway, I just wanted to share this with you guys. Did I say Yayyyyyyy!!

Sometimes on this journey, our emotions get the best of us. Things happen and we feel like we just cant go on anymore. That we’ve had it–this is it. That all you wanna do is give up. There has been a lot of times where i’ve been frustrated on this journey. However, those true moments of “I just cant do this-i’m done” has been very few thankfully. There is almost always that little spark that stays alive. Then, you guys come along and you lift me up–telling me that I can do this. That this is just a moment in time that i’ve feeling so down–that it too will pass. You guys–that is what its all about. Lifting each other up when we just feel like we cant go on anymore. If I havent told you guys lately–I am so very blessed to call you guys friends. I couldnt do this without you guys and your my lifeline. You guys are there for me on this journey more then anyone else has been, family included.  Thank you!

Now, after I had my meltdown, I came in and wrote another blog yesteriday. Its time now. To keep going. To put my feet back on the right path. That is what I started yesteriday. I got a new workout plan laid out. I’m only doing things that I think I can do without strain/stress on my knee. I will adapt as I need to. I do not think I can do a long walk right now. So, every so often–walk from room to room in the house. If its pretty enough (its been realllllly cold) then maybe the street right here by the house. I’ve done that before. Instead of looking at it, well I cant do this or that….I’ve changed my focus on what I can do. I am looking to make as many changed as I have too.

Some of you know i’m doing Paul McKennas-”I can make you thin ” plan. Easiest thing in the world. No more screwing it up. It has 4 little rules and I’m no longer gonna do this my way–and some of his too. Guess what, it doesnt work that way–go figure lol. That means–and listen closely (this is to me)….NO BOOKS!!! None, read before or after you eat…NO! Start listening to my body. Stop worrying if my body knows how to tell if i’m  hungry (yes, i’m serious–I do worry about it). It also knows how to tell me “i’m full”. Even a child can do that–so its time to end the worries and focus on enjoying the food and eating consciously.

Also, yes, I drink lots of water…..from now on–drink my water before noon—this getting up all night long to go to the bathroom is crazy!!

My goal for next week–follow my workouts, do my food plan…and drop 2 lbs next week.

Thats it guys. Happy Halloween–stay safe and warm buddies.

P.S. Yeah, one more thing. I cant changed anything thats happened–with the gains, with my knee etc. So, there is no since in continuing to let it drag me down. We all have that fighter in our souls–that says…its time to kick some butt.

Its true–I was so down and out yesteriday. So, this morning I came back and was reading the comments that you guys left. By the time I finished, I have tears rolling down my face. It seems like you guys have so much faith in me even when my own faith faultered. After I wrote it and got all those feelings out, later I was able to understand I was having a pity party.  I’m so thankful for you guys–you give me such hope! You keep me sane and on track. You guys are the best buddies a girl can have–thank you, thank you sooo very much. (sniff sniff)

Quite frankly, part of it was dissappointment. Finally found something in the way of exercise that got me fired up with determination to do, then my knee got hurt. However, logically, I know I can start again after it heals. I know that hurting my knee was a possiblity as it never healed fully from my fall at the first of the year. However, I expected it to be from the jogging-not my dog. So, I’ve been keeping it elevated—using frozen veggies as an icepack. I’m hobbling around–trying to keep as much pressure off of it as possible. Time, it all takes time.

Despite my grouchiness, if it had to get hurt–I guess this is the time to do it. 30’s this morning! Brrr. 40’s yesteriday and a few minutes of sleet mixed with rain. I’m not ready for winter.

Now, at least this is a wake up call for me. Like I said, quite a bit of the gain came before I came across my new program. However, like I said the other day–trying to do it my way and a little bit of the programs way–is not gonna cut it. I’m gonna be doing some writing and planning and i’m gonna stick to it. If others can lose weight while being sick or injured or recovering from surgery–so can I!

Ok guys–off to get some breakfast…happy halloween!

 I got such a kick out of this that I posted it in the forum…gotta post it here too lol:

I weighed in last night after eating my meals—and then this morning before anything–exactly the same, down to the oz.  I figured it up–from my lowest weight til now–its a 17 lb gain all together. That makes me just sick.

Last few months have been very stressful–I know that. There wasnt anything I could do about it. I had to ride it out.

 One of the stresses was the thought of my son spending years and years in prison. Well, we got through all the courts and stuff. He was sentence to 2 years state jail. They picked him up last week–wed if he was right about it. Every day I check my mail, hoping a letter is there. I dont know where he is, or what kind of conditions he is facing. Its been a week and i’m still waiting. Praying a letter is there today. I keep trying to tell myself all this stuff–he’s grown, he’s ok…and if something would have happened, they would have called, right? Its not working.

So, to top it off–I took a hit on my knee last night. I was outside playing with Chance–to be honest–I dont know if he hit me or I stepped back and got him. However the result was the same. We both fell. Hubby wanted to take me to the ER. Forget it. I dont think anything is broken, just  messed up. It makes me sick. Last fall I took with this same knee took forever–months and months of time to get as well as it did–and I still have problems with it. Now this.

So, I’m really feeling like this is it, game over and i’m out. I feel like..whats the point? (crap, tears..).

Hey buddies,

aww man, read some blogs that were upsetting. Quite a few of them talking about binging. Boy, I understand about that. Some of you know that i’ve been binging for 20 years. This is soo very hard to stop. Now, I am fixing to tell you what has helped me.  Am I doing perfectly now–of course not. However, I have seen changes in my behaviors. While, this may not help all of you guys that binge….on the chance that it will help one person…I am putting it out there. Now, I dont remember how long I have been following this very simple program. However, what I do know, is that my binges have decreased big time. Since i’ve started this way of dealing with food—I think i’ve had 2 binges. And, it was just little amounts–I realized what I was doing and I stopped. With emotional eating–food is not going to fix anything. I also have had my all time favorite binge foods 2 times and it was no problem. So, with that…here is the information. I got a book by Paul McKenna–called “I can make you thin”. Now, I read his rules–get them online without the book. However, knowing that information changed nothing for me. I ordered the book and the cd. I cant tell you how much this has helped me. Not only has it darn near completely stopped my binging–but, also I no longer think about food 24 hours a day-every day of the week. It has freed me. Now, like I said–this may not help you. However, if it will help one person–its worth writing about.

Now, I got a bit distracted after reading those blogs. Now, like I said–I love this new way of dealing with food. However, being stubborn as I am–I still think I can do this my way…his way (the authors) and mine too. lol. So, today I picking out problem areas and making a list. I am writing down what I think is the problem and how to fix it. For example, I dont get hungry til 2 or 3….but, then I want to eat late at night. So, my solution to that is to get my butt out of bed at a earlier hour. This will also help me to get to bed at a regular time instead of staying up all night. So, that is what i’m gonna be doing today after I get off here…..problems and solutions. I think some times we need to step back and see why things are not working for us instead of trying to force it…I WILL make this work lol.

Other news, feeling better now. All the meds are out of my system. So, this afternoon will be my 3rd day of my couch to 5k. I’m looking forward to getting out there and doing that. The next time I do it–I am supposed to start week 2. However, I dont know if I’m ready to step it up a bit. I will kind of judge that by how today goes. If I think I can do it…heck yeah…I will go on to week 2. However, its up to my body. I will say–self talk is a biggie on helping you or defeating you on something like this. You know what I tell myself as i’m jogging to that 2nd pole….I can do this…over and over…that is what I tell myself. Then, its yay…thank god, second pole..whew…lmao.

Alrighty guys–get out there and chase that sexy body you want. Work it.